The Wall...

The Wall. That invisible yet impenetrable mass of emotional barrier protection. I've been knocking myself out on her's quite often here in the last few months. Last night...was the 1st time I've actually heard it though...in...years! DEFEAT. Plain & simple. So...mine erects itself in response & I back the fuck off. C'est la vie...& back to Numb I go...as well as now turning off the writing about the situation...

I'm up. So I guess I'll go to work. I've been awake since 3-ish am though & still feel like shit so I'm really questioning if I should even bother. *sighs* I honestly don't think I'm ready for it. My shields aren't completely up yet & the tears still come out of nowhere. *sighs again* Maybe I shouldn't try just yet...ughhh...I dunno. *shrugs*

I'm down to my last patch! And out of money for the month. From here on out, it'll be sheer willpower! Yikes. This is SUCH a bad time for this now...*sighs*

I think I'm just gonna go back to bed & fuck this day, too!! Yeah...I so can't do this right now...