About Kelli...

Just so you know...I use my blog to vent, work shit out in my head & heart, make sense of what doesn't make sense to me.

I was CONFUSED AS FUCK regarding the situation with Kelli!!!  Based on the information that I had...I had to try to make sense of it.  And THIS was my forum for that.

As for the pay rate in debate...I was guesstimating when I said $17/hr.  It actually averages out to be $13.96+.  I just did the calculations.  What I SAW of the texts, she was asking for $13...but said she was willing to lose even $3...(which would be $10...which is what I was told she was getting paid).  When she worked FT, did the books, kept up with sidelines ordering, ran the store in Cindy's absence, did payroll, did scheduling, did ordering, & the umpteen other things she did...she was worth that...

At 1 day a week...SOMETIMES...with her ONLY responsibilities being to process books & take care of customers...$10 was BEYOND FAIR.

You have to look at the whole picture here...her 25+ years of experience...isn't relative in as far as compensation is in debate.

I WILL NEVER MAKE THAT PAY RATE AMOUNT...& I'm the one that's left there, doing everything she used to do, babysitting Cindy & dealing with the daily chaos...5-6 days/week!!!

I LOVE KELLI!!!!  The pay rate was the issue!!  Cindy was never ok with paying her what she HAD to pay her when she was on salary.  She's not going to be ok with paying her almost the same basic pay rate at her diminished capacity.  For me...it was ALL about FAIRNESS.  I will never know what all Kelli knows.  But I'm the one that's there, in the trenches, daily.  Plain & simple...fairness.

I'm sorry me discussing this issue bothered you.  I'm sorry Kelli got hurt.  Maybe I should've confronted Kelli the moment Cindy told me the situation.  But I didn't...cuz it felt so completely out-of-character of her to me.  I was confused.  Cindy is no angel.  She forgets shit.  She makes stuff fit her own ideals.  Maybe she didn't tell me the whole truth.

At this point...IT DOESN'T MATTER!!  What's done is done.  Regardless...my mind will never change as far as just because she has so much experience, she should be entitled to a pay rate that I, myself, can NEVER touch!  She was my teacher.  She was my predecessor.  I don't think badly of her.  I didn't "take Cindy's side".  I was confused & dumbfounded.  That's the end of it.  I don't like how it happened.  I also don't like being judged or feathers being ruffled AFTER THE FACT.  Water under the bridge...

And with THAT...my blog has successfully been moved to another site.  CYA Blogger!

Moving the Blog...

So...after a while of thinking about it...I've decided I'm probably going to move my blog elsewhere.  I'd 1st considered it a couple of months ago, trying to escape Sara's prying eyes...plus those of her cronies.  Lately, everyone in my FB group has been sharing their blogs...& they're all on the same one...not Blogger.  So I think I will move to be with them...

I've been here at Blogger since Feb '09.  I escaped Seattle in Dec '08...got fed up with Flagstaff in Feb '09.  The 1st thing I did when I "settled" in Florida was buy my laptop.  This blog was the 1st thing I created once I got that.  I've been here a LONG time...& have been through quite a bit of MESS in that time.  It's time for a change...

Anyone who reads this blog that wants the new one...message me & I'll send you the new address.  Ok, well not just anyone...but you know what I mean!  :-p  So long, Blogger...thank you for giving me my 1st outlet.  :-)

Broken Promise?

The other day...(I don't really remember when--a few days ago...Thursday-ish??) I noticed on FB that Lee is now "in a relationship" with Don.  Kinda gutted me.  :/  They've been dating for a few months already anyway...I've known that!  I think it was just the fact that she announced it on FB...COMPLETELY out-of-character for her to do!  *sighs*  Yes, I'm a bit jealous.  He's jealous of me, too, though.  Ugh.  But that wasn't the reason really.  I dunno how to explain it.  :/  Then yesterday, I saw on my News Feed that he'd made a status about her being home from surgery; doing well & resting.  WTF?!  o.0  She PROMISED she'd tell me if/when that happened again!!  To say I was devastated...is putting it mildly!  :-(  I messaged her before I went to work.  No answer.  So I messaged again after I'd gotten home.  Still...no answer.  At this point, all of the feelings I've been rebuilding for her again has pretty much been shut down.  A combination of the 2 incidents, I'm sure.  I simply CAN'T go back down this road again!!  EVER.  So it stops here.  I'll always be her friend.  That's a given.  But no more "I love you", no more planning a visit, no more letting her feed my Domme void.  None of it.  *sighs*  I.  Just.  Can't.

Annie is in the process of getting her & Brittany moved down here, to where her family is.  I sincerely think she'll regret that move!  I've known her for 5 years & she's ALWAYS complained about her dad & brother being overly "religious" & uptight, etc.  I can't imagine she'll be ok with that...& with Boo being raised around that.  I tried to talk her into moving in with me.  I've made several off-handed comments both in regular FB & in the group...that she doesn't respond to.  :/  Whatever.  I've stopped trying with that, too.  It would've been a WIN-WIN situation for both (all 3) of us if she'd moved in here...  :-(

So with my spirits being wounded over Kelli, Annie & Lee...not to mention, I'm STILL battling Sara's memory...I've been pretty down this last week.  *pouts*  I can FEEL it, weighing me down, making me sad.  But not much I can really do about it...

Yesterday, just before I left work, I cracked my knee on the Cash Rack bookshelf.  OWWWWWW!!!!  I have trouble with my knees anyway...but everyone KNOWS how it hurts when you hit them.  There was a guy standing pretty close to me when I did it, so I played it off like I was just bent over, studying which books to put away next.  When, in all actuality, I was applying pressure to my knee & attempting to keep the tears at bay while my stolen breath slowly came back to me.  :-(  It hurt like a MOFO!!!  Ow...ow...owwww!!!  Today...there's a big bruise there & it hurts every time I touch it.  :/

Bud is still tiling.  I think he's almost completed the 2nd bedroom.  Still needs to do the laundry room.  But I'm REALLY thinking hard about going ahead & having my House-Warming Party before the end of the month.  I'm also considering (heavily) having Book Club here next Wednesday night.  I haven't exactly decided yet.  If I can manage to do some spot cleaning today & tomorrow, I may call Karen & have her spread the word for Wednesday...

Anyway...being down, I feel like I need to be proactive & make myself involved in things that will lift my spirits.  But the bigger part of me just wants to hide for a while...bleh...

Surprises...

So, yeah...the weed I had last night...only smoked half of it (it was bigger than the last one) & it was FINE!  I went right to sleep & slept all night!  ;-)  Well, I woke up at 7 instead of at 8 with my alarm...but at least it wasn't 5:30 like usual!!  hehe

Got to work at 9:30...Cindy STILL told me I was early!  ROFL!!  *shrugs*  Cindy & Karen left for a while to run to Habitat for Humanity to check out some shelving units.  When they came back, Cindy walked in carrying this lamp that she'd gotten for me at KMart last night!  haha  The shade is giraffe print & it goes PERFECTLY with the rest of my decor!  :D

Cheryl, the vet, came by to do the boys' checkups & get their yearly shots (required by law since they are in a business).  Ink was 1st.  I held him while Cheryl worked with him.  He was not happy about it!  When she was done, he curled up in a ball in my arms & whined for several minutes.  Broke my heart!!  :-(  Then he decided he wanted to get away.  Then it was Smudge's turn!  He was fine til that last shot & then he jumped & hissed at Cheryl...scratching my arm slightly in the process.  :/  They're both just over 12 lbs...with Ink having just a few ounces on Smudge.  BIG, Healthy Boys!!  :-)

It stormed most of the afternoon so we weren't very busy at all.  I've started (as of yesterday), when I have the time for it, as I'm processing books that are coming in, I'm putting them into Anthology & stickering them. I'm hoping by the time we actually get to Room 4, a lot of stuff will already be in the system.  That's the plan anyway!  :-p

Just had my bath...now I'm gonna finish my last book club book for the month.  My Life as a White Trash Zombie by Diana Rowland.  I've liked it!  It's funny...& no mushy, crappy sex &/or falling in love BS...YAY!!!  hahahaha  :D  Manda wants a poster of the cover art to put in her bathroom!  :-p

Then I'll finish off the weed & go to sleep!  ;-)

Mistakes...

Everyone makes mistakes!!  Why did yours have to be ME though...?!

Long Thursday...

Just me today.  Well, I had Lori & Claire but Claire spent the majority of the day putting flats away.  Karen came in around 2 pm.  But I ran the store by myself & it got a little overwhelming a few times.  lol

My plan for tomorrow is to go in around 10, if I can sleep that late.  Claire brought me a joint & said Cindy told her to do it so that I'd sleep!  ROFL!!!  They're conspiring against me!!  :-p

Susan came in with the girls.  She looked so tired!  :/  And Sophia was super HYPER!  She'd just come from her 18 month check-up & had gotten shots.  She was amped!  haha  I finally took her for a bit so Susan could catch her breath.  ;-)  I feel so bad for her.  I can't even imagine how her life has been turned upside down with Todd passing away.  :-(

After work, Karen & I went to Chili's for food & adult beverages!  :D  It was nice.  Just talked the whole time.  I almost choked to death at one point...but I finally got over it.  :-p  Was embarrassing though!  Ugh...lol.  Then we stood outside & talked for a long while more.  We were both sweating to death...haha.  She needed to get out & just be for a little while.  And I always enjoy hanging out...even when I'm exhausted!  *snorts*

I got home around 8:30ish.  Cold shower cuz I'm so freaking hot!  Now, I'll read a chapter or 2 then take some hits off this thing to see if it'll put me out.  Just hope it's not like the last one!  *dies laughing*

True End of Era...

Kelli called this morning & asked if Cindy was there.  She was but she didn't wanna talk to her.  lol  So then Kelli said she'd be stopping by shortly. Yikes!  o.0  Cindy & I both were on pins & needles, waiting for her.  She got there at 10.  She handed Cindy her store key & told her she simply couldn't do this anymore.  It just wasn't profitable for her.  o.0  She took her flamingo (it has seasonal clothes that we dress it in) & left.  No drama.  No waterworks.  No blaming.  It was GREAT!  :-)  Cindy & I did a collective sigh of relief when she left.  After she left, I texted her & told her I still love her.  ;-)  So I now have her key...to give to Manda.  haha  But she's not coming in tomorrow...next Thursday.  Thursdays aren't really bad at all unless I get magazines in & then it gets a little hectic somewhat.  Manda already had plans for tomorrow so I told her not to worry about it.  I could handle it.  ;-)

Cindy had me balance yesterday's monies & then do the Deposit.  To get me more practice with doing it all.  Then she called her store credit card company & had them add me as a signer to the account.  I'll get my card in the mail in 7-10 days.  BASICALLY, she did that so I'd have it for the SIBA trip...for gas & such...& she wouldn't be without it for the 5 days I'm gone.  But she also did it so I can use it to buy supplies when necessary & also if I buy books anywhere.  She also gave me a copy of our tax-exempt notice to use when buying books.  :-)

So...yeah, I think that pretty much completes Kelli & fully puts me into my position.

By the time I got home, I was just utterly exhausted!  I couldn't really figure out why for a long while.  Then it dawned on me.  I've been steeling myself against the Kelli drama for the last 5 or 6 days.  Now it's finally over & I can breathe freely again.  ;-)  Drama & emotional stress wears me out & wears me down!  I HATE drama!!!  That's why I always tried so hard to get Sara to understand me or understand what I meant by what I said...just so the fucken drama would STOP!!  Grr.  But whatever.

Text Drama!

Kelli started texting Cindy today.  To make a long story short, Kelli was just getting even more ridiculous as things went on.  *sighs*  I simply DON'T get it!  Anyway...it was kinda left with us (Cindy & I) in limbo...cuz Kelli won't just say she's done & leave us.  :/

Cindy sent me to the bank at 10 am to be put on the store's account as a signer...removing Kelli as a signer.  Then she kinda walked me through doing Payroll.  Says I'll do it this month & next month so that I can handle it alone when she's gone the end of September.  It's not hard...mostly just repetitive.  I just haven't actually DONE it enough to see how it works & be confident in it.  lol

Cindy also had me fill out the Registration paperwork for SIBA & fax that in.  She'd already made Reservations at the Hotel for Fri-Mon (instead of Thur-Tue like originally thought).  Friday is ok cuz it's not REALLY a part of SIBA itself...it's like what Stacy & I went to last year--an entire day of "class"...lol.  Talking with Manda...she & I decided to ask Cindy if we could stay Monday night, too...& come home Tuesday.  We'd split the cost of the room ($134) & reimburse her for it.  Manda wants sightseeing time in Charleston cuz we're done with SIBA, "officially" as of 2 pm Monday.  Then on the way home, we'll drive through Savannah, GA & stop there for a bit to sightsee.  ;-)  Manda & I are getting SUPER excited!  Yes, SIBA is a BRUTAL Conference to attend but it's fun, too.  And not ONLY that...we're basically getting to go on a Road Trip together...& even sightsee!!  hehehehe  YAY!!!  I can't wait!!  :D

After work, I went to Manda's for dinner.  She made Stuffed Shells...my favorite!  ;-)  Her cousin, Seann,...his 2 little girls (Skylar & Malea) were there & then he dropped in to pick them up.  Kelli started texting me about this "situation" finally...& I was honest with her about my feelings of it.  Manda said it was a tiny bit brutal...but completely honest.  And she's NOT happy there...we can't pay her what she wants...blah, blah, blah.  Kelli ended up texting Manda, too.  Told her she was gonna cry...that she was gonna quit the store for good now.  Which is all well & good...but she hasn't said that to ME yet...OR Cindy!  And Cindy is the one she needs to tell!  *sighs*  She's due to come in Thursday cuz Cindy is off.  I'm hoping she texts her tomorrow & just quits.  Stop all the fucken drama!  I love her to bits!!  But she's making us & herself unnecessarily miserable!  :/  Just LET IT GO...*sighs*  We'll be alright...I promise!  :/

Apathy...

Your apathy strangles me...I can't explain myself at all!!  And, yes...it STILL hurts...*sighs*

Winds of Change...AGAIN!

So...I texted Cindy around noon, to find out if there was any fallout with Kelli, etc.  That one text turned into SEVERAL with her & also with Manda!  LOL  Basically...Kelli told Cindy she'd work today at $10/hr.  As for the future...she'd "let us know".  WTF?!  o.0  No idea!!!  Something is going on with her...this doesn't sound like her at all!  Best that Manda & I can conclude...is that she's busy enough with her Amazon business that she doesn't wanna be at the store anymore.  BUT...she feels guilty & like she should be loyal to us & still help.  This is THE wrong way to go about getting out of her obligations!!  o.0  I dunno.  I haven't attempted to talk to her about it yet.  I'm afraid...that I'd tell her she's being stupid.  And I don't wanna do that!  I LOVE KELLI!  I miss her.  But...what she's attempting to do is stupid & selfish & she doesn't deserve what she's asking for.  *sighs*  :/  I dunno.  Anyway...the rest of the texting was basically nailing down the idea that Manda & I will go to SIBA in September & Cindy will man the store.  It's not a boy weekend for Manda & she can get her homework assignments for her classes beforehand so that she doesn't fall behind by missing 2 days of classes.  She'll drive her car up there.  She wants to do some sightseeing, too, since she's never been to Charleston either.  lol  All in all...it'll be a lot LESS stress being me & Manda than it would be me & Cindy! *snickers*  So...I'm actually starting to get excited about it at this point!  ;-)  Cindy is going to do the actual reservations tomorrow...she wanted to wait til I was there.

As for Kelli...I'm stumped!!  :/  Should I try to talk to her?!  I just don't know.  I guess I'll let it stew for a little while longer...

Just Dawned on Me...

That's my 3 deaths in a row.  :/  Chris, June 10.  Todd, June 14.  And Mrs. J, July 9.  Well, hopefully...that's it for a while!!

Never Forget Mrs. J!!

I'm spending too much time thinking today.  So I'm going to nap soon...to stop the thinking.  :-p  I got the news that my elementary school teacher passed away yesterday morning.  She was one of those eternally joyous entities that enters your life for a little while & while she may physically leave, she's always a part of you.  She was the one that bred my LOVE of music.  1-5 grade, daily music class.  4th & 5th grade, I was in the choir.  I remember the tryouts.  I was refusing to do it...cuz I knew I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket!  She made everyone leave the room & she hid behind the stage curtain & she said to me..."Baby, you sing to me...or to whoever you want to...nobody is here.  It's just you & your spirit."  I sang to her.  I was horrible!  And she put me in the choir.  ;-)  She lived 2 houses down from me from 1st grade until I left that town at 25.  She was a part of my world for so long--a constant figure.  And after I stopped seeing her, I always still felt her.  It utterly amazes me how someone can affect who you are SO greatly!!  So...I sang to her this afternoon...& I STILL can't carry a tune in a bucket!  But I know she's there, hiding behind that curtain, listening to me & smiling that huge smile of hers.  50+ years of teaching children music...there is a fantastically GRAND choir singing her home right now...  ~  ♥❤♥❤♥  ~

Her car looked like this.  She had the same car since the day I met her!  EVERYONE in town automatically knew her on sight!!  Those were the days...

Stoned!

Ok, so like I said last night...I'd gotten some stuffs from Claire.  Uh huh.  WOW!  hahaha  SOOO wasn't expecting those results!  ;-p  It's not like I smoke a lot, ya know?  I can still count on 2 hands how many times I have.  Halloween had me crawling the freaking walls!  Once with Manda just made me uber sleepy & VERY talkative!  lol  The other times...I really didn't feel much...maybe a bit drowsy but that's about it.  DUDE!!!  haha Ok, so while smoking it, I was having issues.  I had to keep relighting it.  It was about to aggravate me.  :-p  Once I finally finished it off...I was like...well, that was a waste of time!  I felt nothing.  However, about 10-15 minutes later...my lips & cheeks started this numb-tingly sensation thingy & I was like...hmm...!  Then my lungs/rib cage started feeling cold & heavy.  Then the rest of my skin got that numb-tingly sensation.  Then I started getting super sleepy & I SWEAR it felt like I was DRUNK!  lol  I couldn't walk straight or properly...I was just completely woozy.  So I laid down...thinking it was nite nite time...lol...& then I got WICKED horny!  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  So...umm...*blushes*...let's just say...BEST uhh...self-indulgence..*smirks*...EVER!!!!!  WHOA!!!  hahahaha  Good gawd!!!  *snorts*  It took about 15 minutes to calm my breathing back down!  :-p  But once I did, I was OUT like a light!!  And slept like a freaking log til about 4:15 am.  Got up to pee & went right back to sleep til the alarm went off at 6:30.  :D

I messaged Manda about this experience later in the morning.  She was laughing at me.  :-p  Said that Claire always has the GOOD shit!  ;-)  And, according to Cindy, Claire would easily be my "dealer" if I ever decided to go down that road.  Makes me ponder things...*chuckles*

Anyway, the carefreeness of the morning swiftly faded.  Kelli had called.  I answered.  We chatted a few & then she asked for Cindy.  Now while they were talking, Cindy mentioned (several times) "Mel's 2 day vacation".  I was completely lost!  WTF?!  I have no vacation scheduled!  o.0  When she got off the phone, I asked what she was talking about.  She said something about it meaning my Sun & Mon off...something...talking in circles & then she just shut down & said she didn't wanna talk about it...cuz Kelli & I are friends.  Ok, then I was REALLY confused!  Huh?!?!  I finally drug it out of her...this is so bizarre!

Last night, Kelli texted Cindy, indicating that her paychecks have been wrong.  Implied that Cindy misunderstood their agreement when she went down to 1 day/week in March.  Kelli says she's supposed to be paid her old salary rate (monthly salary divided by 160 hrs = hourly rate).  Cindy says she told her that she had no problems still helping out 1 day/week but couldn't go lower than $10/hr...& THAT'S what she's been paying her.  Cindy even told me that at the very beginning, while we were discussing me going on salary.  But here's the KICKER!!  Kelli wants BACK PAY now...for the last 3 months!!  Are you fucken kidding me?!  Dumbfounded doesn't even begin to cover it!!  1st of all, NONE of this sounds like Kelli!!  It sounds more like it's coming from John or something.  No clue.  Secondly, Kelli's salary was outrageous!  She was getting the "daughter of the owner" salary...not anything feasible...& Cindy had to grandfather her in upon the sale of the business (yes, it was part of the "deal").  So putting her back on hourly was a massive relief for Cindy!  Now...3rd...she works ONE DAY A WEEK!  If that!!!  That does not warrant a pay rate of $17/hr!!

Just...absolutely...flabbergasted!!  o.0

I totally agree with Cindy.  We came up with the above 3 points together.  Kelli is due to come in on Mon cuz I'm off & it'll just be Cindy & Claire there.  Kelli felt the need to fill in.  It was HER idea!  Cindy is just beside herself about what to do about the situation.  I told her...simply tell Kelli...she CAN'T pay her that kind of pay rate...plain & simple!  The reasons can come up if/when she debates it.  I also told Cindy DO NOT give her back pay either.  Kelli knew that 1st month if something was wrong.  IF it had been, she would've (needed to) said something right away!  3 months later...sorry about your luck!!  Seriously?!  I told Cindy I've been thinking the last month or so that we're getting to the point where we really don't even need her there anyway. :/  We've got this.  And if something happens, well, we deal with it.  Usually meaning somebody doesn't get a day off.  *shrugs*  It is what it is.  So if Kelli decides to walk...LET her!  At this point, we're not really losing a valuable person.  We lost her 3 months ago...

I also told Cindy that I'd been thinking about SIBA & have pretty much decided I'd just stay here & run the store.  Kelli can't...won't...work 5 days straight.  Cindy said she'd been thinking the same thing & asked if I thought Manda would be willing to step in.  lol  I just laughed!!  ;-)  Manda had actually offered to do just that a couple of days ago.  ;-)  Then Cindy went on to say that she'd be perfectly fine if Manda also wanted to start that one day a week that Kelli was supposed to be doing.  Heh!  ;-p

So I texted Manda, all cryptic-like...lol...told her we needed to chat later!  :-p

I left work at 4:15.  Cindy was still going strong, with several customers in the store!  We were supposed to close at 4...lol.

I went to CATO & got 3 tank tops that I'd been debating for a week.  :-p  I don't buy clothes very often.  It stays horribly hot at work cuz of poor insulation & Cindy keeps the air at minimal to avoid a $1000 bill.  But I'd decided I'd swallow my embarrassment of wearing tanks in public (aside from the beach) in order to be a little bit more comfortable at work.  PLUS...I wanna show off my arm now, too!  *giggles*  I've gotten SO many random compliments on it from people everywhere I go...& it's not even finished yet!  :D

I finally got home & Manda called when her phone recharged.  I told her about Kelli & the day & Cindy asking her to come back basically.  hehe  She was just as bewildered as I am about Kelli's actions.  She totally agrees with what Cindy & I think.  It's just so freaking bizarre!  So, I guess we're just in limbo at the moment...til we find out what Kelli is gonna do.  :/  And yes, she'd come back to work at the store 1 day a week (but not Thurs cuz she'll be in class as of late August).  :D

After I hung up with her, I went to Wal-Mart.  Returned 3 shirts that Mom had gotten me the other day & got 3 tanks, 3 shorts & new jammies.  :-)  Grabbed dinner & came home.

I think I'm getting sleepy now.  :-p

Own Personal Coffee...

Busy day!  Bleh.  Cindy left at 4:30 to go play Grandma while Todd & Jackie went out for "date night".  They won't get many more of those soon...she is "officially" pregnant again!  lol  Due in March, I think.  I've not been sleeping well this week.  Claire says I have dark circles under my eyes.  :/  haha  So...she had a lil sumpin-sumpin in her car, rolled it & brought it to me before she left at 5.  :-p  I closed the store at 6:15...before anyone else could drop in.  I was tired!  *smirks*

Grabbed dinner on the way home.  Checked FB.  Michelle wanted me to call her so I did.  Then a bath.  Now gonna start my 2nd book for book club this month.  I'll hit on that "coffee" here in a bit...then hopefully sleep!  ;-)

Explosion Video...

It's been moved to YouTube now...lol

SIBA's Coming...

Cindy got info in the mail today...so then she asked me if I wanted to go with her to SIBA this year.  Sept 15-20 in Charleston, SC.  I said "Sure" but...I really don't think Kelli will want to hold down the store that long & I remember the stories from Kelli & Manda last year...about building bridges behind her the whole time.  Yeah, I went last year but just the 1st day & it was just a class on online advertising, etc.  I didn't get the FULL effect of SIBA.  I dunno.  That's months down the road...lol...*shrugs*

About 2:30 pm this afternoon, Manda texted me.  Wanted to hang out for a bit tonight.  And Stacy, too!!   I left work about 5:15, went to Manda's.  Then went with her to drop Dylan at work & then we went to Publix to grab munchies.  Stacy got to the house a few minutes after we got back.  We sat around, shot the shit, had "coffee", ate.  It was GREAT!  What a way to get downtime!!  :-)  We don't get together near often enough!!  Stacy & I left at 8:30.  I should be in bed by now...but I'm still up...ugh...lol

Choice...

You've made your choice & it's clear it doesn't involve me.  Luckily I'm not too affected by it since I was only a friend of convenience anyway...

It Snuck Up On Me!

Fuck me!  *sighs*  I'm missing her.  *sighs heavily*

There's been several instances today.  In the group, Amber had a thread going about finally letting go of her crazy stalker-bitch.  David had commented about it being a good thing that she's now left with stable & non-stalkerish women in her life.  I commented that...at this point...I would take crazy & stalkerish!  Not that I mean that...but...just to have someone there.  I'm lonely at the moment.  And I'm missing her.  The 2 go hand in hand.

Later, Amber had a status that said "Love isn't about finding the perfect person to love but loving the imperfect person you've found."  David commented that it meant there was hope for the rest of us then.  My comment was that there was no hope for me...that I've been there...& tried that.  Amber commented that life was too short for me to just give up after trying once.  My retort was that yes...at least, for the next 10 years or so.  *sighs*

Now I'm crying over a Drop Dead Diva episode.  Fred was doing karaoke of Baby I Need Your Loving.

I just...*sighs*...I dunno.  July 11 will be the 4 year mark.  July 12 will be a month since I've heard from her.  July 14...is the day that I bound my heart & soul to Her.  I'm still VERY MUCH angry at her for being unwilling & unable to just communicate with me!!  But I miss my best friend something agonizing.  A part of me is empty.  This is the 1st I've cried over her this time.  It's taken...what...3 weeks?!

I absolutely don't want to talk to her.  I'm well aware there's NO point in that!  She'll NEVER be able to communicate.  She'll NEVER be able to not just abandon me.  She'll NEVER be the person she used to be again.  I'm just in a moment of weakness right now.  And it hurts...

It'll pass...

Babin's Boo-Boo!

I got a pic of my friend, Babin's, 4th of July


boo-boo via text this afternoon!  The slight 


burn on his leg is so minimal due to his iPhone 


taking the brunt of impact...yes, it's totally 


fried!  lol  I'm just thankful this is the worst 


that happened that night!!

Tomorrow You Didn't...

Tomorrow you didn't.  Yesterday you won't.  Cause I know everything you say you're gonna do, you won't.  That's a given!  It doesn't matter anyway...

Explosive 4th...erm...3rd!

Got up just before 10 am this morning.  About 12:30 pm, Manda called me to ask a favor.  lol  She wanted to know if I could pick up her friend, Missy & her 7 yr old daughter to bring over.  They live just a few streets over from me so of course I said yes.  :-)  I picked them up at 1:30 pm, we stopped to get ice & then headed over to Manda's.  From there, we caravaned out to Dan's folks'.  Jeromy & his family met us coming out of Manda's community so they followed Manda & I followed them.

The day was pretty slow paced, relaxed & laid back.  I think there ended up being close to 100 people out there!  It was massive!  haha  We basically all sat around, chatting.  Tons of kids there, running around everywhere.  Babin had his 2 dogs.  Dan's sister had her dog & his parents have 2 dogs.  One of Babin's...Cletus...is a hound mix so most of the day was spent yelling at him or chasing him cuz he'd take off chasing the chickens!  ROFL!!  People were in & out of the pool.  They also had one of those inflatable water slides, too.  I got in the pool but you couldn't have PAID me to get on that damn slide!  :-p

Everyone started eating around 4:30.  It was SUPER hot!!  And I just knew, that being in the direct sun allllll day...I'd be a freaking lobster!  :-p  Turns out though...I really didn't get much of a burn at all...just tanned!  WOOHOO!!  I NEVER tan!!  :D  I guess cuz I've been out so often this year already, I've got a good base so I'm not burning as much now.  That's just awesome!  ;-)

Dan & Babin spent like $700 on fireworks.  These things filled an entire table!!  HAHA  Around 7 pm, they started setting everything up.  They already had a wooden platform out in the field (they do this every year!)

They started setting them off around 8:30ish.  Everyone moved out into the field to get a clear view of the sky.  Most were sitting on the ground or in chairs.  It was fantastic!  BUT...it didn't last long before disaster hit!!  ACK!!!  They had several mortars lined up on the platform.  One got set off & somehow the next one that was to go off fell over.  That set the ENTIRE platform alight!!!!!!  OMFG!!!!!

See the ACTUAL explosion here:

The 1st few seconds, everyone thought they were just doing a big show...til we realized what was actually happening & then we all jumped up & started running farther back...not knowing where these things were going to shoot/land!!  All of the babies & kids were crying.  It set the platform itself ablaze.  A section of the field caught fire, too.  Once they were done exploding & the fires were put out, we found out that Babin had gotten hit in the stomach with one of them.  It burned the bottom half of his shirt off & one of the EMTs there guesstimated that he had 2nd degree burns.  His mom took him to the ER.  :/  Dan got hurt, too.  He nose-dived off the platform & hurt his leg.  But everyone else...though shaken & scared...were ok!  This explosion took out about 180 mortars...over half of their stock!!  Once things calmed down a bit, Charlie set off the remaining ones.  The Finale paled in comparison to the middle!  :/  I left about 30-45 minutes after everything was over.  It's a 30 minute drive from there to my house.  My heart was STILL pounding when I got home!!  :-(  Talk about a freakishly scary night!!

Once I uploaded the fireworks pics to FB, I took a shower to try to calm down.  After my shower, I called Lee.  She was seeing the pics & video on FB just about the time I was calling her.  It scared her that I'd been in danger...she made me promise never to go out there again.  lol  ;-)  The bad part of all of this is that these guys do this every year & every year they have some sort of mishap!!  ACK.  lol  Nobody's really gotten hurt til tonight though.  :/

It's now almost 2 am.  Talking to Lee has finally calmed my nerves a bit so I think I'm gonna lay down now.  :-)  Just...WOW...what a day!!  Heh...it could've been SO much worse though...I think that's what freaks me out the most!  Bleh...we're all lucky...even Babin.  He could've died!  :-(

Too Short Trip! :/

I was up at 8 am.  Annie got up about 9:30.  Not long after she was up, Lee called.  lol  They talked for a bit & then I talked to her.  She surely makes me smile!  :-)  It is beyond ridiculous how much I want & crave having a Mistress.  It's also uncanny how she instinctively knows when to give me that...just enough to make me squeal & squirm & make the entire day PERFECT from then on!  Heh.  *grins*

With quite a bit of prodding, Annie got Boo up around 11 or so.  lol  They both took showers & we then went to have lunch at Denny's.  From there, we went to Cato's.  They both needed outfits to wear to church with her family on Sunday & for the family pictures that are planned.  LOL!!  Annie is pissed & anxious all at the same time about that!  :-p

They dropped me back home around 2:30ish & then hit the road down to Port St Lucie.  WAY too short of a trip but I absolutely had a blast with them here!!  :D  It hit me a little after 3 pm, just how quiet & lonely it felt in here.  :/  So...to avoid that somewhat, I ended up taking a 3 hour nap.

I woke up at 7:30 pm.  Went to Wal-Mart at 8 pm.  The 2 cordless phones Mom gave me...don't work all that well.  They don't keep a charge so I can only use them for about 20 minutes or so before they go dead.  Sometimes you can't use them at all cuz they simply won't come on.  They both need new batteries.  And I only talk to Lee on the landline.  It's free for me that way.  Plus, I needed more kitty litter since Sheba doesn't like that new kind.  *sighs*  I get to Wal-Mart, looking at the phone batteries.  HOLY CRAP!  JUST the battery is $15!  And I need 2 of them!  A whole phone is $19.  lol  I just got a new phone & will be done with it! :-p  We shall test it out tomorrow night when I call Lee.  :D

Got home at 9 & apparently the city was doing their 4th of July firework display so I stood in the driveway watching that for a while.  Took a ton of pics that I put on FB.  lol  Got inside, made dinner & started a movie.  Though once I started it, I realized I'd already seen it.  *snorts*

Manda texted at a quarter to 10..."Are you coming tomorrow??  PLEASE!!!!!"  Ahahahaha!!!  ;-)  There's a huge get-together happening at Dan's folks' place in Lake County.  lol  So I told her yeah...I'll go.  :-)  I'll go to her house at 2ish pm tomorrow & we'll all caravan out there.

My tattoo is starting to peel & stuff.  One of the leaves on the top of my shoulder that gave me such fits when he was doing them...I was sorta picking at it & it started bleeding!!  CRAP!!  :-(  I'll have Dan look at it tomorrow.  Ugh.  :-(

It's midnight already.  I should try to sleep.  But I know I'm not "ready" yet.  *sighs*  Think I'll read for a bit...

Last Bit of Preparation...

I got up at 9 am & found that Michael, the guy that was wanting to buy my bed, had already called & texted for directions.  lol  I texted him back the info.  I finished doing the odd & end things around here, in preparation for Annie & Boo's arrival.

Michael showed up here just before 11.  He had his 13 year old daughter with him (so that eased my tensions a bit).  The bed was for her & she was SUPER excited about getting it!  ;-)  Seeing her like that made the last 3+ weeks of frustration in dealing with people ALL WORTH IT!  It was going to go to someone who would definitely appreciate it!  :-)

I made up my bed with the new bedding set.  To have cost so much, it's very cheaply made & I don't foresee it lasting very long.  :/  That's a shame cuz I just LOVE the design!  *sighs*

Mom finally showed up over here & finished "mowing" the front lawn.  Still using the weed eater...haha...it looks like she gave the grass a buzz cut rather than mowed it!  AHAHAHAHA  It's like...I dunno...1/2" tall!  *laughs*

I'd already been texting with Boo since just before 10 am.  They hit the FL state line around 2 pm.  It started storming here just after that & Mom left right after it started.  I'd been trying to read for a bit...cuz all my chores were done finally.  Once it started raining though, I got super sleepy!  HA!  So I cat-napped on the futon til 4.  When I woke up, I texted  Boo to see where they were.  She told me it was a secret...lol...then she said they were closer than I thought.  ;-)  I'd guesstimated they should be here by 4:30 from the time they hit the state line so I went outside.  They drove up within 5 minutes!!  :D

We sat around & talked for a bit.  Then I took them to the book shop.  They met Savannah & Cindy, the kitties & Cindy had her dog there, Dodger.  I showed Boo where the entire bookcase of Goosebumps books were & then gave Annie a tour of the rest of the store.  Boo ended up picking out 8 books & I put them on my tab.  ;-)  Then dinner...Boo's choice of Chili's.  haha  I got my usual!  ;-)

Then back home to talking, laughing & severe giggle fits!  :D  We had cake...it actual turned out good even though I was concerned cuz it wasn't as thick as it should've been.  *snorts*  Boo took over the futon so Annie slept with me!  :D  We were all up til probably 2 am...heh!  ;-)

Another Mini Vacation!

Worked with Kelli today.  Was the 1st in about 3 weeks, I think!  I was off on the days she was there the 1st couple of weeks & last week her & Judy were at the beach all week...lol.  I MISS HER!  :/  Anyhoo...it stormed most of the day so we weren't busy at all.  Before noon, I'd asked Cindy if I could go ahead & take tomorrow off, too.  I was gonna work til like 3 pm or so.  I still have way too much to do in preparation for Annie & Boo's visit!  I was leaving early today, too.  Claire got me a short batch of inventory done so I could print stickers for Maia & Savannah to do tomorrow to keep them out of Cindy's hair...lol.  I then showed Claire how to import those Excel batches into Anthology & print stickers.  She wants to do it a few more times with me before she tries it herself.  Which is fine.  But Cindy wanted me to show her.  :-p  So I did.  lol

I left at 3:45.  Went to make returns at Wal-Mart & CVS.  Then hit Publix.  Checked the mail on the way in...I GOT THE CARD FINALLY!!!  hahahahaha  And...AWW...it's really sweet!  She's gonna cry.  :/  Got here & Mom & Bud were here.  Bud left at 7 pm.  Mom stayed til about 8 pm.  I then went to get some dinner, unloaded the dishwasher & piddled around, doing oddball things here & there.  Got a bath & made Boo's cake at 11 pm.  lol  They got on the road a little bit after midnight & Boo started texting me for quite a while.  I sent her a pic of the cake when I was done with it.  She told me to stop spoiling her--she's not even here yet!  ROFL!!  :-p

From 1:30 am til 2:30 am, I did the Newsletter & got it sent out finally.  Emailed Cindy to remind her of books going on sale tomorrow.  I'm supposed to have this guy coming at 11 am to buy the bed.  I'll believe it when I see it at this point.  *sighs*  I fucken hate people!  UGH!  :/  We'll see.  Maybe he'll surprise me.  Mom is supposed to come over in the morning & finish cutting the grass in the front yard (with the weed eater, no less!!  *snorts*)  She got the back finished before she left here tonight.  Annie should be stopping sometime here soon to sleep.  She may end up getting here super early in the morning!!  o.0  HAHA!!  They're leaving at 4 pm Saturday though.  *cries*  I wanted them to stay til Sunday but her dad had already committed them to a family thing Saturday night.  Geez.  :/  Oh, well...at least I get to see them!  So the only thing I hafta do when I get back up is change the bed sheets.  Everything else is done...yay!  :-)  It's just after 3 am...lol...I'm slightly pooped...but I seriously doubt I'll even sleep!  Heh.  Too excited!  ;-)

LONG Day!

Work actually ended up being quite the easy day!  :D  THANK GAWD!!  hahaha  I'm so fed up with the crazy chaotic days lately that I dunno what to do!  lol  ;-)  It was a welcome relief!  :-)  Cindy is off tomorrow so she wrote out checks today.  I got a bonus!  ;-)  Wasn't expecting that...SWEET!  :-)  Around 11:30, I went to the bank to cash my checks, make the Store deposit & deposit Cindy's check.  Then to my other bank to make my deposit.  Then on the way back, I stopped & got lunch for me, Cindy & Maia.  When I got back to the store, Cindy was finishing up processing the order.  It'd come in just after I left.  After I ate, I printed stickers for the 2 batches of inventory items that I hadn't done yet.  I spent the rest of the afternoon working on "problem" stuff in inventory.  Books that either aren't in the system or were supposed to be but for whatever reason didn't get a sticker printed.  I left at 4:30.

Went to Wal-Mart.  My monthly trip (plus some house stuff...haha).  Then stopped at CVS.  Cokes are $.79 for a 2 Liter!  :D  Then I stopped by Dan's shop to give him some money for the tat.  He was busy in there!  I've never seen it that full before.  So, of course, he had to show his work off to everyone!  ;-)  I stopped by McDonald's to grab dinner cuz it was already 6 pm & I knew I didn't want to fight with dinner.  :/ Checked the mail on the way in.  I STILL haven't gotten the Sympathy card for Annie.  The one that has been mailed to everyone in the BPL group that Amber had mailed to me last week!  :/  Yikes.  Hopefully I'll get it tomorrow!  Got home & Mom was here!  Ugh.  I left my dinner in the car.  I dunno why.  I don't like her watching me eat.  Don't ask--no clue!  At 7 pm, she decides we need to go to Wal-Mart!  Argh.  My 2nd trip in a day!!  Albeit, it's a different Wal-Mart...but STILL Wal-Mart regardless!  LOL  :-p  She went home after we were done in there.  I grabbed Arby's & came home...at 8:30.  After eating, I ran around putting things up, more decorating, etc.  At 10:30 pm, I FINALLY got my bath!!  OMG.  So now it's 11:30 & I'm still awake...ack.  :/  Hopefully not for too much longer though...

Beginning of the Tat...

Woke up at 8:45 this morning.  Dan had pushed our appointment back to noon.  He'd gone out swimming this morning.  lol  I worked some more on putting the dining set together.  The table was easy.  The chairs...FML!  LOL!!!!  I finished the one this morning & started on the 2nd when it was time to go.

We didn't actually START til 12:45.  I was there til 4:30 & we're only half done.  But I couldn't take any more.  The parts on the top of my shoulder were brutal.  haha  So when this heals (couple weeks or so), I'll go back in for the finishing touches.  :-)  I've given him full creative control!  :D  It's soooo cool watching it come to life!  ;-)  I still can't explain the symbolism & what it means to me...I just know it spoke to me the instant I saw it.  ;-)  So here's what got done today:

By 4 pm, I was damn near falling asleep, due to the endorphins flooding my body!!  I didn't start reacting like that until the top part starting hurting so much.  Heh.  So needless to say, when I got home, I didn't do much!  Bud was here when I got here...but only for a moment.  I didn't even wanna eat...I was dragging so bad!  Unloaded the dishwasher...took a bath...I'm laying down now.  Gonna read some before I fall asleep, I think.

I'm hoping I sleep tonight.  The "fire" is already starting in my arm, since the bath.  I know when I got my last big one, it burned like a sonuvabitch ALL night & most of the next day!!  :/  Cross your fingers this one doesn't.  Hoping it won't since it was just mostly line work & not a whole LOT of fill in color!  Eep...haha.

Late Start...

Work yesterday was...well, I basically was just treading water all day.  lol  We were already at capacity as far as spare space for incoming books that needed to be processed.  People kept bringing in MORE!  My "plan" was to just process, process, process so that I could create some work space for Monday.  That didn't happen!  *snorts*  I mean, I was processing all damn day but I NEVER made any headway!  haha  I could clear a flat & then fill up 2 in its place!  *snorts*  Oh, well.  The life in a bookstore!  *smirks*  Lori did her own thing all day.  I had Savannah putting kids books & flats away all day.  I actually even stayed til 4:45 (45 minutes after closing)...STILL processing!  :-p

I got home & messed with FB a bit, ate & then fell asleep around 6:30 pm.  Slept til 8:30 pm.  Then I was up all night.  Watched 3 movies.  Finally fell asleep around 6 am...heh!

Woke up at 1 pm.  Mom had been calling & texting about 20 minutes before that.  *snorts*  She wanted to go get the dining set so I met her at Big Lots at 2:30 pm.  We brought that home & then went to Wal-Mart.  She wanted to get this little table...they call it a "writing desk" but the idea was for it to go in the living room on the big empty wall across from the futon.  lol  I got an electric can opener, cake pans & cake carrier, too.  And kitty food...haha.  We split up then.  I came home.  She was going to make some returns at Kohl's & Michael's then off to play Poker.

I'd woken up feeling like I'd been run over by a freaking truck & it really wasn't getting any better through the day.  By the time I got all the stuff from Wal-Mart unloaded, my head was just pounding!  Then I found out why.  Nixon!  ARGH!!  A week early.  *sighs*  So I made some dinner, ran the dishwasher & then started putting the little table together for the living room.  It's cute!  ;-)  Then I cleaned out the 2nd bedroom so Bud can continue tiling in there tomorrow.  Put it all into the 3rd bedroom (since it's now finished).  Rearranged my big bookcase in the living room a bit (had some more to add to it...lol).  Mom & I had a disagreement earlier about it.  She said I needed to stop bringing books home, I had too many, that I'll never read em.  Uh huh.  She just DOESN'T get it!!  Only "book people" do!  You can NEVER have too many books!!  And I do read...a little bit most every night.  Whatever.  She'll never get it...not gonna let it bug me...just ignore her.  *snickers*

I was supposed to also be putting the dining set together tonight but I'm just pooped!  :/  I'll try to get that done tomorrow afternoon...

Finally got my bath at 11:30 pm...LMAO!  Ugh.  o.0  Gonna read for a bit & hope that I get sleepy soon.  I'm meeting Dan at the shop at 11 am tomorrow to do my new INK!!!!!!!!  :D  I can't wait to see it in color!! :D

Annie & Boo will be here sometime Friday evening.  It's a 10 hour drive from NC.  She says she's leaving "early" but I dunno how early "early" is for her...lol.  At any rate, I'm planning on leaving work around 3 pm or so.  Then I'll be off Saturday (& Sunday & Monday...4th of July!)  ;-)  LONG weekend!!  WOOHOO!!!!!!

Wicked Crazy!!

Yesterday wasn't as bad as I was expecting actually.  *laughs*  Cindy had only pulled 3 of the 6 special orders out of the box.  They were on the "Waiting to be Picked Up shelf" so I was able to process them 1st.  She didn't touch anything else in the box.  AND...our entire work area was covered in books!  LOL  I spent the entire day processing & made a HUGE dent in her mess that she'd taken in but then...about 4:30...I started getting dumped on!  HAHAHA  So when I walked out of there at 5:30, our work area looked just like it did when I'd walked in that morning!  *snorts*

Today ended up being WICKED crazy/chaotic!  Just stayed busy non-stop, we kept getting dumped on over & over, the order came in & I processed that PLUS the magazine order!  We are BEYOND being stacked up at this point!  There is like ZERO space to even work in!  hahahaha  I ended up leaving at 5:15 pm but then had to go to Big Lots to pick up coffee cups, sugar & creamer cuz we're out of cups totally & very close to out on the other 2...& I need them for tomorrow.  Bleh...

At 5 pm, I realized that I will be by myself tomorrow!  o.0  Not EXACTLY but basically.  Might as well be anyway.  lol  Cindy has a jump tomorrow so she's off.  I'll have Lori & Savannah.  Lori doesn't work the front & when she tries...OMFG...just shoot me!  LMAO  Savannah does ok a lot of the time but really...I just don't have the patience at this point in the week to babysit her.  I'll send her off to do other stuff as much as possible tomorrow.  lol  I'll be on the front by MYSELF.  It'll actually be easier that way.  Sad, huh?  LOL

And...WOOHOO!!!!!!!  I just made plans with Dan to get another tattoo!!  :D  I dunno when exactly yet...we're still pinning down the details.  ;-)  He'd posted a picture of his latest creation a little while ago on FB & it just SPOKE to me!  Told him I HAD to have it!  :D  I've been trying for months to come up with something for him to do...but everything I think of has something to do with Sara.  Bleh.  One cuz of her is one too many as it is...ugh!

Talked to Annie on the phone tonight.  Ok...laughed & snorted with Annie on the phone tonight!  :-p  Whatever!!  hahaha  She & Boo are driving down here on July 1st.  YAY!!!!!!  I can't wait!!!!  :D

I Told Her So...

There was a discussion this morning in BPL (RE:  Tracie & Bill are still fighting their way through this thing with their girlfriend)...several things were said back & forth.  In my next to last reply, I recounted to her...You know, I've spent the last 2 1/2 years fighting with Sara SIMPLY because I still wanted to TALK to her, still wanted her a part of my life...regardless of where the actual relationship went!  It didn't matter that I still loved her.  It didn't matter if she wanted to be my gf or not.  ALL that mattered was she was my best friend & that's all I wanted to hold on to!  I still wanted her in my world because she was my friend & I didn't want to lose that.  But after this last disappearing act of hers...I realized something.  I no longer want to talk to her...  o.0

The moment I typed that out...it hit me.  I am totally done playing this game with her.  What I feel/want is irrelevant compared to knowing she will never be able to communicate.  And absolutely everything rides on that fact.  Finally coming to terms with it is what made me finally let go.  The battle to keep the friendship isn't worth the heartache.

The last part of the convo, Tracie seemed to really "catch on".  Amber & I were taking turns in saying almost the exact same things.  Yes, it's understandable, at this point, that she still wants to be her friend & talk to her.  But she's unsure of wanting a future relationship again.  Too much hurt was done between them in the last several days.  I told her...if she's not sure NOW what she wants...don't let it progress any farther just cuz she assumes she might want to try for a relationship later.  It's simply not worth it.  Her Jennifer sounds like the PERFECT mix of Sara & I.  She has Sara's wishy washiness & my insecurities.  I almost feel sorry for her...lol...Tracie, I mean!  :-p

Then...around 2 pm, I started getting texts from Cindy.  She was all in a panic cuz the order had come in & she still hadn't been able to get to it.  Just her & Sava there today.  But...she was trying to find & pull out the special orders to call people on.  However, she hadn't found the Invoice nor the stickers yet so NOTHING she was actually pulling out was getting checked in, processed, etc!  I asked her if she wanted me to come in & do it.  No, she said.  I asked if she wanted to leave it for me to do tomorrow.  She then went on this rant about not being able to do anything today, she's still sick, things were crazy & she was freaking out about the order.  So I told her to just leave it alone...I'd do it.  She kept on talking about the special orders.  It took me THREE times of telling her to STOP fucking with it & let me fix it tomorrow before she finally agreed.  Special orders can wait til tomorrow, too...unless someone shows up & asks for it today.  Otherwise, all she's going to end up doing is TOTALLY FUCKING IT UP!  *sighs*  I'm not even excited about going to work & finding out what all she's done to it at this point.  Ugh.

The funny thing here is this...not even a month ago, she & I had this "discussion" where I told her we needed to make sure the both of us were there on order days unless absolutely necessary.  I say that because she & I are the only ones in that damned store that can manage the task!!  Her response to me was a very sarcastic "I can handle it!!"  I didn't say this to her but I was initially making it a point to her BECAUSE I'm very much aware that she CAN'T fucken handle it!!!!  I can.  It does stress me out but I can do it.  It's extremely difficult to check in & process an order while running the front end & going in behind whoever else may be up there (Claire, Savannah & now Maia).  The 3 of them do not have any sort of handle on running the front end at all.

I'm just curious if today's events have made her realize why I say the things to her that I do...I doubt it but one can hope...*sighs*

I HATE People!!

I've been talking with this girl, Tammy, back & forth for a few days now off of Craigslist, that wanted to buy my bed.  Yesterday, she tried to jew me down on my price to $50!  Yeah...NOT HAPPENING!  So this morning she emails again that she has the full amount & wants to come by tonight to get it.  While driving to work, I called her & gave her directions to my house.

Cindy had gone to the Dr yesterday afternoon cuz this crud is still hanging on for her, too.  He told her it was an allergy infection basically--not cold or flu.  Her whole system is infected.  Her ears, too.  And she has this rash as well.  Since she got that flu in January & was on antibiotics...then sick again in March & put on different antibiotics...THEN her surgery last month & was on all kinds of crap...he wanted to give her something else again.  Too much of the same thing in such a short time frame can be bad.  So, AFTER her insurance co-pay, she paid $192 for 10 pills.  HOLY HELL!!  She's beyond pissed!  LOL  Let's just hope it works!!  Since she & I have been mirroring each other, suffering through this crap, Dr says I probably have the same thing but normal antibiotics would be fine for me.  Me...I'll stick with my Pseudo-ephedrine, Zyrtec & such, thank you very much!  lol

I left work at 4...in anticipation of getting home in time to get the bed taken apart before Tammy got here.  I got home & Bud was here.  Mom showed up at 5.  Then we all 3 took the bed apart.  It was down in 10 minutes.  haha  It took 3 freaking hours to put it up!!  :-p

At 6, Tammy emails me...when she's supposed to be HERE!  Uh huh.  Shithead.  She can't come get it after all cuz hubby thinks one of their 4 (+ 1 on the way) brats will get hurt on it somehow.  WTF?!  Whatever.  I fucken HATE people!!!!!!!!!!  So...the bed sits...in pieces...scattered around the living room.  FML.  *sighs*

Manda came over at 7.  Black Heart Loa came in today (not on sale til 6/28...HAHA) & she was coming to get her copy.  She left at 8.  I then ate finally & watched an episode of The Starter Wife.

I noticed around then, on FB, that David had refriended Katy.  I knew THEN what was coming!!  Sure enough, within a few minutes, he'd pulled us all into a group chat, to apologize for her actions, explain that she needed to pull away from just about everyone she knew for a while & may still need to stay at a distance (cuz she's fucken CERTIFIABLE!) & would we be willing to let her back in PLUS let her in on the signing of the card that is being sent around among us (actual snail-mail) for Annie.  Jen chimed in & said she didn't think Katy had any right to being in on the card at all.  As for letting her back into the group, she wasn't a fan of the idea but if everyone else was ok, she'd be ok. Amber spoke up & said a resounding NO.  She dropped us...fuck her.  I then put in my 2 cents.  I don't want anything to do with her ever again.  Nevermind that I SERIOUSLY doubt Katy would want to be the one to mail the card to ME.  Amber got it today...I'm the only one left...aside from Katy.  o.0  Tracie is the only one that hasn't said anything yet...but as far as numbers go, it's 3 against 1...he's outnumbered regardless.  Majority rules!

Speaking of Annie, she told me last night that she & Britt are coming "home" for a week or so to sort of recuperate some.  Her dad & brothers live down in South Florida.  She wants to meet up.  I told she could even stay here  a day or 2 & she was all for that!  :D  I dunno when yet exactly but it'll be the 1st week of July sometime.  It's been exactly 2 years since I've seen her & Brittany.  While the circumstances SUCK...I can't wait to see them!

After I dealt with the Katy thing...I started reading Black Heart Loa.  WOOHOO!  I'm about 1/4 of the way through it & LOVE it just as much as Black Dust Mambo!  haha  And this one picks up right where the 1st one left off.  ;-)  It's like an hour later in the story timeline.  :-)

Since Saturday...I've been in a really FUNKY mood!  Dunno what it is.  I'm not PMSing...that was the 1st of the month.  I dunno.  *sighs*  I'm just down...is the best way I can describe it.  I am melancholy...& uber sensitive to just about EVERYTHING!  Ugh...

Off tomorrow so maybe I can sleep in & just relax & get rid of some of this funk...bleh!!

Understand...

I don't understand you & you don't understand me--that's why it's better to just quit trying cuz it'll never be OK again...

Another Emotionally Twisted Day!

Woke up at 2 am, coughing my head off.  :/  I've already gone through 2 sets of cold meds with this thing & just REALLY don't wanna do another one.  Guess I need it anyway...cuz I was up til 7 am!  I texted Cindy at 6 am to let her know I needed a nap but I'd be at the store in time to leave for the funeral.  Ugh.

Dozed til 10 & got back up.  I don't think I actually went to sleep.  Got dressed & got to the store just before 12:30.  Felt like a zombie!  :/  Amanda decided not to go cuz their a/c is out & she was waiting for the repair man.  Kelli didn't go cuz she was hungover.  Lori decided to go with us, so Cindy drove her & Lori & I followed them.  We left Savannah & Claire in charge of the store instead of closing.  o.0  They ended up doing fine...but still...lol.

We got to the church at 1:30 pm & got inside.  The services actually started a little after 2.  I think he must've been cremated cuz they only had a pic of him up front...no casket.  I was fine through the beginning of it.  But...when Susan walked in with her parents & his parents & both girls...I started getting teary!  :-(  It was the oldest one that got to me.  She just completely didn't even look like herself & she's ONLY 6!  The baby started chattering & that made me tear up, too...watching & listening to her.  They were only 3 rows in front of us.  Susan's mom ended up taking the baby out of the service pretty quickly.  I absolutely DESPISE anyone seeing me cry, so I had to make a mental effort to look around the church, at all of the stained glass, then focused on watching all of the rituals they were going through...not actually listening to all of what they were saying.  Cindy & I were both pretty shocked at how close Episcopalian & Catholic is.  We weren't expecting that at all!  It was an hour long service.  I got restless about halfway through it.  The standing & sitting, the reading & singing, all of the other little ritualistic things...the Communion.  Yeah...anyway.  He was indeed dearly loved by MANY!  I knew he was a Professor of Theology but...just WOW!  Never knew just how accomplished he truly was!  Never even knew he had his Doctorate either.  He taught at 3 colleges.  I just kept thinking about the last time he came in the store with both girls.  He was always so quiet & reserved but he was well aware of how we cater to them.  And he always seemed to appreciate it...whereas Susan is just used to it.  :/  They'd just celebrated their 9th anniversary on June 9...5 days before he died.  So, so terribly tragic...

After the service, everyone gathered in the back where food, etc was set up.  There was a procession of ALL of these people to go by & hug her & say their peace.  This was when she started breaking down.  The moment she saw the 3 of us, she really lost it.  When I hugged her, I told her that Stacy & Amanda wanted me to pass along their love to her & the girls.  Just...sad...the whole thing...

We didn't stay to eat or anything.  We left after we got to see her, just about 3:45 pm.  Cindy & Lori headed back to the store.  I...went just a little ways down the street to go meet Jen at this tavern.  :-)  As soon as I walked in, she jumped up & hugged me.  We did nothing but giggle the 1st 10 minutes!  LMAO!!  It wasn't meant to be a romantic get together or even the implied impression of either of us being "on the prowl"...which...made me not as nervous!  :-)  But I was STILL nervous!  I always am with anybody new to me.  It wasn't long after I got there & we started eating that a super nasty thunderstorm popped up.  We just sat through it & kept talking.  :-)  We finally left at 7.  I got another hug as we parted.  She wants to hang out sometime.  We even talked about going to a local gay bar just cuz neither of us have ever been to one...HAHA!!   I dunno...we'll see.  lol

I got home at 8 & got tied up in FB for a while.  Then for about an hour or so, Manda & I were trying to decide if we wanted to go out for drinks.  I'm still super restless for some reason.  And so is she apparently.  We finally decided not to go out after all.  Which is better cuz...I've had a REALLY long day already.  And the way I'm feeling...I'm fighting my demons that want to email Sara.  I think I've talked myself out of it so far. Mainly cuz I think of the "restlessness" & she was a large part of the convo with Jen this evening.  She doesn't want to talk to me.  No point in me making a fool out of myself & trying.  It's going to be a bit of a battle for a while to come.  It always is when she pops in & then back out of my life like this!  *sighs*

Now...I'll finish watching Pillars of the Earth.  Then probably just go to bed.  I'm weary.  And restless.  And I dunno.  Just...weird...bleh!!  :-p

Surviving Long Distance...

YES!  I knew all of this!  That's what I kept telling her...& striving for!  Sheesh...

3 Steamy Secrets to Long Distance Relationships

June 16, 2011 at 5:00 am

By Natasha Jervis

Techniques for Spanning the Distance

Many of us have experienced the trials and tribulations of a long distance relationship. Some experiences can be quite grueling, while others seem to work out successfully. There are definitely methods of approach when trying to keep your “miles away” love affair alive. Many couples tend to give up after a certain period of time because of the “no see, no touch” factor, but there are ways to keep the spice alive in your relationship until your next rendezvous. Long distance relationships can last with effort, constant communication and expression. Take a look at these three tips for surviving a long distance duo and learn how to keep your love strong and honest as you go through this phase of your relationship.

Communication is Key
While most of us know that communication in relationships is imperative to keeping a long distance duo alive and healthy, many forget to use the many forms of technology we have at our fingertips. Think back to the time when couples in the war only had the means of telegraphs and written letters to communicate their heart-burning love for each other. Nowadays, we have cell phones, iPhones, Skype, Blackberrys, e-mail, instant messenger and more. So why are we lacking in the communication department? It just might be a lack of effort. When a couple is engaged in a long distance relationship scenario, these methods are truly important for the success of the relationship.

A simple morning e-mail can bring a smile to your loved one’s face, while a text late at night before bed can do wonders. Relationships have the ability to be even stronger these days as we have these advanced forms of communication. And folks, communication doesn’t just mean, “Oh the weather is hot over here and I am melting.”  Communication in relationships of any kind is much more than simple one liners and light talk. Express your feelings about one another when possible and when you are thinking of your partner, SAY IT. Try not to hold back, as little words like “I miss you” can keep your relationship strong. Talk about your days and what you’re up to so neither of you feel left out of the picture.

Hello Mr. Mailman!
Send something in the mail to your loved one and keep the long distance relationship flourishing. There is nothing like receiving live mail these days and it almost feels like an honor that someone would make such an effort to do so. It is extremely easy to send e-cards and quick email hello’s, but imagine the facial expression on your mate as they open a letter or package from you. One can only imagine it will be a rather glowing smile. This can win you bonus points within your relationship and it does show you are making an effort to keep it strong. Send a letter, a care package with goodies inside, or even some photos of your experiences and adventures.

Express Yourself, Respect Yourself
By expressing how you feel about one another you will build a bond that will overcome any miles in between. The more you know how you value each other and are happy to have each other within each other’s lives, the more you will succeed at this rather difficult heart wrenching scenario. There is beauty in expression and the power it can possess within a loving long distance relationship can go sky high. If you are shy, step out of your comfort zone every now and then and say or write it if it feels more comfortable. After all, you decided to keep the relationship going because you cared enough to in the first place. Respect your own feelings by expressing them to your partner across seas or cities and keep the love alive!

You can find this article at it's respective home here:

Sick & Lazy...

Yesterday was the 1st day in over a week that I sorta almost felt a little human for a big part of the day.  Maybe I overdid it with working 9 hours & then 3 hours at book club but when I woke up this morning, right away, I knew it was gonna be a bad day.  I felt almost as bad as I did the 1st day I started getting sick, a week ago Tuesday!!  :-(  Ugh!  Nasty.  Hate it!  Ready for it to go away!!  Grrr!  I imagine...the cause would be...that ANOTHER wildfire started yesterday afternoon, SUPER CLOSE to the store & we were breathing that crap in all day.  :/  I didn't start feeling any better til around 7 pm tonight.  Sheesh...

I'd PLANNED on doing some cleaning today & stuff.  But no way with the way I was feeling so I spent the day watching Pillars of the Earth.  I had NO IDEA it was Medieval!!  I'm loving it!  I'm on episode 7 of 8 now.  Finish that tomorrow, I suppose.

In between watching that, this morning, Katy decided to be a cunt.  She'd had some sort of tiff with David.  She then went & took herself out of the BPL group & consequently deleted everyone from her friends list (David, Jen, Amber & Tracie).  WTF?!  So I called her on it!  Then she deleted me!  o.0  WHATEVER!!  The girls were quite upset about it & we were all in a conference chat immediately after it happened & have been the rest of the day!  haha  What started as CRAP...has turned into a MOST DELIGHTFUL DAY!!  We have had a freaking blast all damn day!  :D

And to wrap up the evening, Jen & I have just made plans to meet for dinner Saturday evening.  :D  I have to be in Daytona for Todd's funeral at 2 & that's a little over halfway between where she & I live.  ;-)  Figured...why not?!  I don't go that way very often...lol.

So now I'm going to read myself to sleep.  :-)  Apparently, they've cancelled Rob's surgery for tomorrow so Cindy will be there after all.  Maybe I won't have to stay til 7!  *crosses fingers*  I think they've decided the surgery won't help him.  :/  Which SUCKS.  They're just gonna fucken send him home to continue having worsening seizures til he dies...?!?!...OMG...  o.0

Incomplete...

"Today I begin to understand what love must be, if it exists.  When we are parted, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves.  We are incomplete like a book in two volumes of which the first has been lost.  That is what I imagine love to be:  incompleteness in absence."  Edmond & Jules de Goncourt


THIS is how I used to feel!  THIS is why it was so extremely important for me to have contact with her!  It was the 1st time I'd ever felt this about someone...bleh...but whatever...

Book Club Night!

Trying to save money where I can, I decided from now on, I'll just make whatever snack I'm taking to Book Club (whenever possible).  I usually take desserts.  But...because I figured this out so late, & didn't have all the equipment, Mom made a chocolate cake for me last night to take tonight.  :-)

So I toted the cake with me to work.  Cindy was mad cuz she couldn't have any...LOL!  We close at 5 & Book Club is at 6:30.  NO way I'm driving home & then coming back...that's pointless cuz I'd get here & just turn around to go back...lol.  So I worked for an extra hour after closing.  I STILL can't remember how to get to Karen's so I hafta follow Manda.  haha  She picked up Jenn & I waited in the parking lot of the store for her to pass & pulled out behind her.  ;-p  It's been a year or more since Jenn has been there.  She had some life issues to deal with for a long time there but we've missed her & glad she's back!  :-)  Ali didn't go tonight.  She had a business meeting to go to.  Karen was sad.  haha  Towards the end, Karen let her puppies out!  She has 3 Jack Russells & a Boxer.  Jasmine, the Boxer, was all over all of us...so were the Jacks but REALLY the Boxer....hahahaha!!!  She especially LOVED Manda!  ;-)  Too freaking CUTE!!!

Oh...& the cake...was a HIT...HAHAHAHA!!

Jasmine even got a lick of the icing!  ;-)

Cindy was scheduled off tomorrow & me on Friday but...at 4 pm, we changed that all around.  Rob is definitely going back into surgery on Friday, so Cindy is going back up to Jacksonville to sit with Kim all day.  So...I'm off tomorrow.  Which actually works out well cuz of Book Club tonight!  I didn't get home til 9:30!  Then had to put trash & 2 recycling bins out for tomorrow.  THEN a bath!  hahaha  And I'm STILL wired up so...it's good that I don't need to get up at 6:30 am!  ;-)

I missed a lot of the BPL convo today but...last night, Tracie & Bill broke up with their girlfriend.  :-(  It's really bizarre how much their situation mirrors what I went through with Sara & Ben!  So I can really, really empathize.  She's uber upset still.  And that's gonna take a long while to heal.  I feel so bad for her.  It truly sucks when a relationship ends like that...simply due to a refusal of communication!!  *sighs*

Speaking of Sara...like I said last weekend, we'd sorta been trying to talk.  Well, it didn't take long to know that nothing has changed & she refuses to hear anything I say.  I just don't understand.  She has her mind made up of the way things ARE/WERE...whatever.  And I cannot say anything to her in difference to her beliefs/ideas/feelings.  I can't get her to understand or accept that I didn't MEAN things the way she took them!  And there's just no fighting that.  *sighs*  I finally said to her on Sunday, the way I see it, we only have 3 choices here.  1)  She creates that damned blog like she'd suggested but then got pissed off at me about cuz I didn't trust her to follow through on it & she disappeared for 6 1/2 weeks.  Just DO the damned thing, see if we can allow it to work.  2)  Completely start over like we're strangers & try to get to know each other all over again.  We'd come to this conclusion once before but neither one of us could let go of the past hurts, accusations or assumptions so it never even went anywhere.  OR...3)  She just disappear & leave me the fuck alone FOREVER.  Granted, I've gotten a helluva lot better at recovering from her disappearing in the last couple of years.  I don't sob for weeks on end anymore!  But...even if she were to completely disappear from my life, I imagine it'll be YEARS before I truly get her out of my system.  I still love her...regardless of everything.  I still miss her.  That's not something that's just going to go away because she's not in my life.

Apparently...she's chosen #3...cuz I haven't heard from her in 3 days now.  I'm sad, disappointed & relieved...all at the same time, about that.  I know there's no possible way to communicate with her anymore so it's pointless to go through the heartache of trying...BUT...there's still that part of me that...hoped.  :/  Bleh. Anyway.  It is what it is.  I told her SHE needed to make the choice of what she wanted to do & she wanted to know why it was all on her...cuz...no matter what...I NEVER have a choice in the matter!  EVER!!  She is ALWAYS the one that gets pissed off/hurt, deletes/blocks me & disappears.  Every single time!!  And I'm just left here...with zero recourse.  I can message her til my hands fall off...she simply doesn't respond.  I can't go into battle with that anymore.  I just can't.  I don't have the energy for it anymore.  :/  So...she made her choice...obviously.  Now I pick up the pieces once again & move forward...

Another Death...

Deaths always come in 3s, right?  Bleh.  Well, I got my 2nd one in my immediate world today.  :/

About a month & a half ago, one of our good customers, Susan...her hubby, Todd, had a stroke & a heart attack simultaneously.  He's in his mid-30s!!!  :-(  They never could wake him from the coma afterwards but all of his vitals were still strong.  He stayed in ICU until last Saturday, when they put him in Hospice.  He died this afternoon at 12:30.  :-(  We all feel so bad for her!  They have 2 babies!  Anne Marie is 6 years old & Sophia is just about a year & a half old.  Soo tragic!  Susan's parents came in the store this afternoon & told us.

Cindy wants to close at 1 pm on Saturday so that she & I can go to the funeral to represent the store to the family.  Kelli & Amanda are going to go, too...separately from us but we'll all sit together as a unit.

I just simply CANNOT imagine...*sighs*

Anyway...so it frightens me a little.  Deaths generally come in 3s.  The only other person I know in "peril" is Rob.  He's supposed to be going back into surgery Friday.  Eep.  :/  Unless it's another shocker like Chris.  *sighs*  Ugh.

Insecurities...

There's quite the thread going on in BPL today.  Tracie & Bill are having issues with their gf's insecurities.  I got in on the tail-end of it cuz I was at work...but reading through the comments...I was like...WOW!!  SO much of it sounded just like a "broken record" to me!  And...I totally sympathized with the gf!  However, it made me think.  While being the 3rd is certainly a very HARD spot to be in...I got a different perspective of the other 2.  A different perspective...out of the fire itself.  It makes a difference...

Anyway...just thinking.  *smiles*  I LOVE LOVE LOVE this group!!  I'm learning so much!!  lol  NOT that I'll ever find myself in a poly relationship (or ANY relationship) again or anything...but knowledge is freaking AWESOME!  Too bad it came too late...bleh...

Anyhoo...work was work.  Just me & Claire.  It was cool.  Maia had texted me at like 1:30 am.  She'd just gotten home from Philly & wanted to know if it was ok if she skipped today.  I said sure.  And, luckily, I was right.  The day was fine with just the 2 of us.  Cindy texted me a lot of the day, filling me in on Rob's details.  He came through both surgeries fine...just not as well as they'd hoped.  He'll be in ICU all week & then go back into more surgeries on Friday.

Some T-Mobile salesmen came in the store today.  The one guy talked me into the Home Internet through them.  It's $28 cheaper than Bright House.  I'll give it a go anyway.  If it sucks, I'll cancel it & just stick to BH.  ;-p

Effed Up Weekend!

Friday was pretty much a wash.  Anything decent was overshadowed by the emails from Sara.  And the consequent being left "hanging".  She'd messaged that she'd gotten busy at work but she was writing a reply then.  That was at 6:49 pm.  Nothing else until 1:11 am this morning, pretty much saying she quit trying.  You know...just fucken shoot me in the head, please?!  ARGH!!  WHY do I fucken do this to myself?!  o.0  Later I got the full reasons behind why she didn't respond...& that was OK!  It's the "I don't know what to say" BS that pisses me off every time.  *sighs*  Whatever.

I got my Florida Driver's License in the mail.  :-)  I still need to call & find out what was up with that report though...ugh...

Saturday started out highly emotional about Chris.  I ended the day with Mom bringing in a new addition for the living room.  A 6' tall wooden giraffe!!  AHAHA!!  He's adorable!  ;-)  Then Bud came over & worked some.  Mom had made a comment about dinner.  I said something about not having really eaten since Monday night, being sick & all.  So we had to then get up & go to the store to get fixings to make her homemade veggie soup.  The ONLY soup I'll eat just about!  lol  ;-p  Bud left to go play poker.  She & I had soup & cornbread for dinner.  Got my bathroom completely finished!  Ok, not COMPLETELY...still need to change out the toilet paper holder.  *snorts*  But that's not a biggie.  ;-p

Went up to the store this morning.  Worked on inputting the inventory into Anthology for 4 hrs.  Got a text from Annie, regarding the funeral services.  :/  More emails from Sara.  Got home & Bud was here.  There was an issue with the A/C!  OH NOESSSSS!!!  But it seems to be correcting itself so far...(yay!!)

Cindy won't be there tomorrow.  She is going to go sit with her sister, Kim, at the hospital.  Kim's boyfriend, Rob, has been having seizures & tomorrow they're doing the 1st step of brain surgery on him.  There is a HIGH chance he might not come out of it.  So Cindy has to be there...just in case.  Eek.  :/  I will have Claire & Maia so it should be ok.  Both Kelli & Savannah have texted, asking if I need them.  lol

Now it's time to wind down for the night.  Bath...then finish reading Black Dust Mambo.  I've only got 5 chapters to go!  :-)  I've REALLY enjoyed it!!