Need...

I feel a bit...weird...at the moment. Not sure how to describe it.

I guess Jenn & I *officially* broke up tonight. But before that, the intense thinking about forgiveness & such had already put me in a weird state. Because it led to a lot of other thoughts that weren't voiced.

So I feel...weird. Sad. Alone. A bit depressed, I suppose. But none of that is in the "normal" sense. It's more like a heaviness that's come down upon me. It has me...unsettled. Anxious even. I feel incredibly *tired*. Guilty maybe? I'm not sure at all of how to truly describe it. Some parts of me are numb while others are raw & bleeding. I need a sort of comfort that I can't get. It scares me. Makes me worry a little.

And I couldn't get what I needed so it's suffocating me a bit.

Spending the day at mom's tomorrow. Laundry. Just a small dent in what needs to be done. Shopping for grain-free food for Schuster. Of which, I'm well aware that is a simple band-aid to up his comfort level & not cure him. I feel at such a loss with him. I can't protect him. Judy & I had a convo this afternoon...about his burial. She came to tears almost. So did I. It spread sort of a gloom over an already weird day. Then, lastly, we're gonna work on the store's website. And I really don't even care that much about it anymore. I'm like...what's the fucken point anymore?! :/

It's been a tough day. I'm feeling...pretty pathetic right now. Crying & feeling sorry for myself...& others that I can't do anything about. I kinda think I know what this is...but I dare not name it...Goodnight, Moon...