Another Day...

Another day...but yesterday still lingers...

My eyes hurt & are puffy...from crying. They feel super heavy, too. I just wanna sleep. Escape the world for now. Don't think I'm gonna go to Book Club tonight. Not in the mood for socializing anyway. Besides...we are trekking out to Pat's house tonight. She lives in another city (I forget which one). Meeting at Diane's house & carpooling from there. And...I didn't finish my book anyway. Life...& death...got in the way. :-(

Kat made a comment the other night. She was talking out of her ass...like she always does when she's *wishing*...but it sparked the DREAM, nonetheless! And the embers continue to burn. My 1st thought was..."I can't. Schu...he's not gonna last long but I can't take him away from here before then." Well...now he's gone. :/ The other part of that was...I'd have to give up my established life, such that it is. 2 years ago...I wanted a way out of the life I was in so the decision was easy. And I keep thinking, this time period, 2 years ago, I'd been with her for 4 days...& was SCARED TO DEATH!! But..."everything happens for a reason"...& we are in a different place now than we were 2 years ago. I'd give anything to be able to live there again. Fell in love with that place when I was there. And it's still a *dream* to be able to go back. But the dream faded & I know that IF I ever do go back, it has to be via my own ability to do so. And, most likely, that'll never happen. Still...2 years ago, it seemed like the "right time" cuz my temporary job had ended. I'm kinda in that same place now...scrambling to keep this sinking ship I'm on afloat & all. All that ties me to here is my job. But...LOGICALLY...I know I can't follow through with that whisper of a whim of her's...no matter how much I really want to...& not solely because of HER (like it was 2 yrs ago)...but for ME... :/ *sighs* I can't afford that kinda move. I can't afford to set myself up immediately. I can't afford the "dream"...