In A Box...

I'm thinking. Gonna do some more of that...& research a bit...then voice those thoughts. Maybe tonight? We'll see. My life doesn't usually stay on schedule...

I'm conflicted. Between loyalty...& concern. Straddling fences isn't fun so I need to work my brain around it.

Kat's last text to me last night made me laugh. Out loud. In the dark, by myself. ;-p But after the giggles stopped, I just smiled. THAT'S the Kat I know & remember...not the Kat that I listened to on the phone. :/ Ben's text...was a bit disturbing...though I didn't see it til this morning. :/ These 2 are gonna be the death of me. And each other!

But even through it all...I still hafta stand at a distance. I can't allow myself to get sucked fully into it. I don't enjoy the hopelessness & helplessness of it all. Especially when I'm not privy to all the info or not good enough to be relied upon. It all comes down to give & take. I'll give what I get. After all...I'm no longer that special one at the end of the leash that is expected to just be there & waiting when the moment presents itself. :/ Think that is the main reason I no longer feel connected. I've been cut loose & I can feel it in my soul. If I dwell on it too much, I will melt into an uncontrollable mess! So...instead...I stand...detached & distant...ok on the outside...defiant & independent...cold...alone...