Saying Goodbye...

I think I know that I have to finally & unequivocally just give up. Throw in the towel. Accept the wrongs against me. Accept that I can't right anything that's happened. Accept that I have no choice in the matter. Just...accept it...all of it...& go on. I can't say "move on" cuz I truly think I've died...my soul...has died in this spot right here. It was only hanging on by a mere thread anyway. A tiny shred of hope kept breathing a bit of life into it every so often. Just not enough to sustain it any more. But I can't keep trying. I can't keep trying when I'm the only one that thinks there's a reason to try. I can't keep holding onto the past & believing her lies. I can't keep falling for her lines. I can't just "trust her" & let her lead the way cuz she's let me down so many times already with that. I can't. I can't keep lying to myself about her...I will not survive this if I keep trying to see the good in her. I just won't survive it....

I just can't tell her goodbye. And that's hard...extremely difficult...almost impossible for me to do. Needing closure is huge for me. Not saying it will mean forever open, raw sores. Learning to live with those will take talent & determination. Of which...I don't think I have nor have the strength to search for anymore...

*sighs*