When I'd tired of going through my list, I went & glanced at Craigslist. Saw an ad there for a nanny. Typically I'd not apply for anything like this. I've not done it in years, have zero current references for it & I just don't think I'd have a shot at it. I don't have a shot at really any job, it seems. Anyway, I guess what drew me to this ad the most was that she was asking for relocation to be an option. I'm open to relocation. Definitely. That's all I've been doing for months & months! lol But, more than that...the short time spent with the girls made me realize something. It made me realize that I missed being with kids. I missed being needed. I missed caring for someone who needed me. *sighs* So I emailed her. Told her my story, sort of. That I've just moved here, am starting over from scratch after moving across the country for love & it being ripped away from me & then being thrust into a world of chaos where I had nowhere to go, no one to rely on, and I landed here as a last resort. I have no vehicle & I can't get one til I gain employment. That I have nothing against a background check but the Simple Battery charge would be there & I told her about that story (funny how a complete stranger understood that situation when my best friend of 30 yrs never could see it & my supposed significant other didn't believe me). That I don't do drugs & I don't have a drinking problem. And lastly, I had no qualms about relocation.
Yesterday afternoon, I ventured off & found the bookstore. Went in & had a walkabout the store & a chat with Miss Judy. It is small but crammed FULL of new & used books everywhere! I saw 3 kitties in there. One was on the front counter & took to me immediately. The other 2 were curled in a rocking chair in the back. Judy is 70ish, has had this store for about 40 years & yes, she's hiring. She wants to retire & is hoping to groom someone to take her place. Her daughter works there, too, so I'm not sure why she won't just take the store over. As we walked & chatted, she asked about my "roaming" & I explained (without truly going into detail). She seemed to like the fact that I took the opportunity to explore a possibility & got to see a bit of the world in the process. She & her daughter both actually said they admired me for taking that kind of a chance. She liked the fact that although I'm non-degreed, I'm well aware of what I'm capable of doing & what experience I already have that backs that up. When I said that I have basically just gone into a company & picked up where they needed me to & run with it, she smiled & said that's exactly what she's looking for. She liked my age (though she couldn't ask, I told her lol) & that I'm not a "kid" looking for a paycheck. She liked the fact that I smiled & giggled & seemed "happy". Looks can be deceiving, eh?! ;-) Seriously...I am *ok* right now. Guess it shows. She asked if I was prejudiced at all or racist. I said no before she could finish but she said there were 7 women that worked there. Then she asked if I had anything against gays or am I tolerant of the lifestyle. I chuckled & said no, I have no issues with anyone being gay. So, apparently...someone (maybe more than 1) there is les? *smiles* Then she asked about the driving distance. I explained that, for now, I'd just do it but ultimately I want to get my own place, when I can afford it & I will most likely get a place close to wherever I find employment. She smiled & said that her daughter was interviewing another girl tomorrow (today) & that she'd call me. It's minimum wage, FT. I felt good. I feel good about the chance of getting this. I think I'd really like it, too. And mom has no qualms about the 30 minute drive in her car. *sighs* You'll understand that here in a minute...
Then today, I got an email response from the woman wanting the nanny. She simply said she'd been where I am & that she'd like to talk to me. She gave me her phone # but it was missing some numbers so I replied back with my phone #. She called later & we talked for a good bit. She's a single mom with 3 kids (2 boys & a girl ages 9, 7 & 5, respectively). She's finishing her BA up this year & takes classes during the day, works 3 nights a week at a bar & would need someone to keep the kids those nights. Would have to sleep there because she wouldn't get home til about 4 am. Ultimately, she's contemplating moving a couple hours away from here & would like the nanny to then become a live-in & move with them. The house she's looking at has a garage apartment that the nanny would stay in. And if I hadn't gotten a vehicle yet, I could use her's if I needed to. So while she's still here, it'd be $10/hr for less than 20 hrs a week. It's a 45 minute drive from here, too. As a live-in, it'd be a trade off...room & board in exchange for keeping the kids when needed. And my days would be free so I could have a normal job, too. She wants me to come meet her & the kids Friday at 3 pm. I think this would be cool for me, in many ways. So I'm telling my mom about it & before I can even finish, she says it's too far away, I've not got a way to get over there cuz I'm not putting those miles on her car. Then I started trying to explain about the possible live-in & she said for me not to be stupid & get into the same situation I was in in Seattle. *sighs* Neenah asked me if she realizes this is not the same thing as that was. She does. She's just not admitting to it. We've not "discussed" the situation with Kat & I but I did explain what it was, without a lot of detail. *sighs* Whatever. Anyway, I guess I'll have to call her back tomorrow & tell her I can't even contemplate the opportunity since I don't have a way of getting there. *shakes head*
To top off the day, I requested friendship with Kat on FB again. She accepted. Without a word, she accepted. I didn't think she would. I'm not even real sure why I offered. Of everything that was lost in all of this with us, I lost my best friend. I miss her. I miss the girls. I miss Ben. I miss Bella. I miss THEM, period. The whole family. And once I had access to her profile, it was obvious she's not doing much on there. There's not many updates to it. She's not very active. Which, I'm not surprised really. But I had a huge sense of relief being able to see her again. It's extremely difficult being totally isolated from her. Neenah asked what I want from this. I don't know. I didn't attempt to speak to her. I have no intention of making any comments on her profile. But I can see her again & somehow, that makes this not quite as hard to survive. I don't know! I don't know how to explain it! I'm not moving on too easily being separated from her. I don't know what else to do. I don't want her back. I don't want to be a part of her family anymore-not in the way we'd intended at 1 point anyway. But I miss my best friend. I really would like to have that back somehow....after all, I didn't do anything *wrong*!! I didn't deserve to be treated like a criminal. I didn't deserve any of it. I don't deserve to continue to hurt over it either....
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