Poly is as Poly does...

Polyamory. Do you know what it is? I *thought* I knew but now I'm not so sure.

Polyamorous, simply stated, means "to love more than one". But there is NOTHING simple about the poly lifestyle! Oh, hell no! And, no, it's not synonymous with polygamy.

I'd never heard of polyamory until July '07, when I met Kat. Subsequently, I began to meet others who adopted the lifestyle, as well. But my main knowledge came from her. Her thoughts & beliefs. What they were looking for. Their experiences. Etc, etc, etc. Later on though, I started researching it myself to learn all I could about it. When times got rough for us, she was quick to tell me that I wasn't cut out for this. I wasn't poly so I wouldn't understand or agree with different things. I kept trying to explain that I'd never even known it was something that existed so how could I profess, with any certainty, if it was for me or not?! I would have to learn about it, attempt it, experience it before I could even begin to make that decision. All I could feasibly do was be open to the opportunity. She never accepted that answer, I don't think.

The #1 most important aspect of polyamory is communication. Communication is essential & without it, the relationships will *never* work. Communication must be totally open & honest with ALL parties involved.

I always understood my place with her. I understood I was her secondary. I understood that i was also Her pet. I understood where in the food chain that placed me. But because I felt that I deserved more & better treatment than I was getting, she blamed me for asking for too much & not being poly & not "getting it" & that it just wasn't gonna work. Period.

What I finally "got" was that they BOTH stopped communicating with me. I was completely shut out-from both of them. The cardinal sin of poly! I wonder now...all of the trials & tribulations they had in the past trying to have poly relationships...I think it was THEM who had no clue how to do this & wasn't the fault of everyone else they tried to be with like she tried to explain to me....

It was them. It wasn't me. Wasn't my fault. So why do I feel guilty?