Let's Just Avoid It...

It's been 2 days now & neither of us have spoken to each other. I was off yesterday, too. She wasn't online much, I don't think. Her Yahoo status was either idle or "**sleeping**" all day & night. I gave up at midnight & went to sleep. I turned my Yahoo on on my phone at my lunch break. She wasn't online. She's not online now either. Or...she's invisible to me. Whatever. I don't want to contact her. I don't want to give in to her. I don't want to give in to my own emotions. I don't want to miss her or need something to be said that's civil. But I do anyway...fuck. *sighs*

I just can't figure out why I can't stop giving a shit. As much damage as she's done...I still...ffs. I wish I were the evil being she thinks I am. I *wish* I could do her harm or wish it upon her. Better yet, call it up on her, purposefully. I wish I could be everything she thinks I am. Then maybe it wouldn't matter so much that she thought those things....