Day of Therapy!

I emailed Sara a couple of times last night.  Last ditch effort to actually get her to HEAR me.  No response.  Not surprised.  She'll never admit she was wrong.  She'll never admit she made a mistake.  She'll never admit that she never actually knew ME.  I can't explain why she created this ideal in her head of who I was.  The fact that I can't PROVE to her that I'm not what she thinks...is what bothers me the most.  So...I cry over it...for the last time...right now.  I did everything I could possibly do to get her to see me for ME...for who I really am instead of what she has in her head.  But it's true...you can't really change someone else's ideas.  They have to do it.  And she'll never do that.  That's not my failure...it's her's.  I honestly never intended or meant all of the horrible, nasty things she said by what I ever said to her.  And I tried one last time to get her to see that.  It was the last thing I could do.  It didn't work.  And I move on.  4 years of trying to get her to just HEAR me.  For absolutely NOTHING...except drama & heartache.  Such a complete WASTE of time!  *sighs*  She said to me the other day...the last thing that she said to me... "Have a great life being miserable, and I hope being passive aggressive works out for you."  I admit to being passive aggressive sometimes.  It's not cuz I'm manipulative.  It's cuz I hate drama & confrontation.  It's cuz I have something to SAY but, unless I'm pushed over the edge, I won't just demand it.  And she's right...I've been miserable the majority of my life.  Up until about 2 1/2 years ago.  When she did what she did to me, she forced me to restart my entire life.  And that's probably the BEST thing I have EVER done!!  In the last 2 years, my life has truly come together for the very 1st time ever.  I have a mostly decent relationship with my mom, I have a job that I love (even on the days it stresses me out!!), I have my OWN space (& soon to be an even BETTER space!!), I have a group of the most AWESOME friends on the planet (Tanya, Lee, Judy, Kelli, Stacy, Manda & yes, even Cindy sometimes), my 2 furballs (Sebastian & Sheba) who I just adore, my own car (even though it's not what I want/like, I don't rely on ANYBODY to get me where I need to go), I take care of ME (with a little help from my mom & friends occasionally)...I am in the BEST PLACE of my entire life & I have been for quite a while now!  I am NOT miserable!  The only time I'd GET miserable was when Sara was being obstinate & sarcastic & would absolutely refuse ANYTHING from me.  You know what?  I was an idiot.  She was my ONE bad apple in life.  All she had to do was just LISTEN...even just a tiny bit!!  I hope she stays gone cuz I don't need that kind of toxin in my life anymore.  If she could buck up & learn how to listen for once...I'd be there for her in a heartbeat!  After all, no matter what, I still love her.  The HER I always thought she was, somewhere deep, down inside.  If she could let that person out again...it'd all be gravy.  But she won't & I know that now.  I can't say that I won't still miss her or ache to have her in my life.  Because I'm 100% sure that I will.  But I'm better off without her as long as she remains the person that she's been since December...

Anyway...*sighs*...enough tears already!!  It is what it is.

I woke up at 7:45 this morning.  lol  After not falling asleep til about 4 am.  ;-p  I played on FB & washed dishes.  Then my happy butt got ready & went to the beach for some THERAPY!!  :D  I tried to go to the spot Manda always goes to.  Ended up getting lost...lol!!  Got my GPS out & it got me to my "regular" spot!  ;-)  I stayed out there a couple of hours.  It was really nice.  Was kinda misty/foggy...odd looking anyway...but the breeze was heavy & it was warm.  The water is still a bit too chilly to play in much.   But I talked to Angel while I was out there (people kept giving me funny looks for being on the phone while sitting on the beach...hehehe) & then I talked to Lee while on the drive home.  :D  I got a little bit of a sunburn...1st for the year!  lol  Not bad though...just in spots (that's always so bizarre to me!  *snorts*)  Got home, ate a bit & then took a 3 hour nap!  HAHA  Woke up at 9:30 pm & watched a movie.  I might watch another one here in a minute.  Dunno yet.  I'm still feeling sleepy...like I could just go back to sleep.

Tomorrow's agenda is cleaning & packing...since I goofed off all day today!  *grins*