Partners!!

Sooooo...last night was...*awesomely amazing*!! Heh. :-) I didn't go to bed til 7 am this morning--up with Jen all night! Got up at 2:15 & am now doing laundry! Bleh. Dunno that anything else will get done today...haha. ;-p

I took about an hour nap last night when I got home from work cuz I knew...I KNEW that I'd most likely be up all night. *grins* 1st, they were throwing a birthday party for her friend, Lily in SL. So we started off with that. Jen asked me to partner with her right after I got in! Heh. I won't go into details but..."partnering" in there was always...hmmm...*special* to me! :D After Lily's party at the house, Jen had to DJ so we went there til after 2 am. Then...we had about 4 hours just to ourselves!! *grins*

Jen is...wow. Heh. Hmmm. She is breaking through all of my walls. Slowly. Being with her is showing me how things are *supposed* to be in a relationship! Being with her is also showing me just how MUCH of my true self I had to bury & ignore being with Sara (because those things didn't matter to her). I have been numb & totally void of all emotions for about a year or so now & these emotions are now bubbling back up to the top with Jen. It's painful. :/ I'd gotten so used to not feeling anything!! *sighs* But, I guess, all change is like that...you can't grow without growing pains. Meh. I was crying this morning, talking with Jen. Crying because I'm realizing how much of *ME* has been dead for so long. And how incredibly stupid I've been to give my love to someone who doesn't appreciate it in the least! *sighs* She can't even fucken manage a friendship!! You'd think I'd realize that by now & QUIT waiting for her! So...now...I truly have. If she wants to chat, she'll be able to find me. But I'm gonna go back to being me & being me with someone who appreciates it! I am still fighting my heart to not FALL for Jen just yet. But it's coming!! She's gotta remove a few more bricks from the wall 1st but...it's there...