Another Long Weekend...

We were only open from 9 am-2 pm today. WooHoo! :-) AND...we're closed on Monday!!! hahaha Judy woulda NEVER done that! ;-p

After work, I went & got my hair done...FINALLY! Ha! The cut was what I wanted but she didn't do the color like I wanted. I wanted the all-over auburn with bold blonde highlights (like I had it last summer). Instead...she blended both colors...so that it's auburn with subtle streaks. But...it's COOL! I really like it! :-) She styled it straight--my hair is naturally curly & is NEVER straight...haha!! But Stacy says she's gonna teach me how to straighten it. *smirks* Yeah, I spend less than 5 minutes on my hair...so we'll see! ;-p

Amanda has been inviting me (for a couple of weeks now) out to Dan's parents' farm for the 4th. There's supposed to be a huge mass of people there all day & then they're doing a bunch of fireworks when it gets dark. Although most of the people that will be there, I already know...meh...I know OF them really & am not entirely comfortable around them. So...*shrugs*...I dunno. Then today, Kelli mentioned she may be going out to Judy's timeshare on the beach & I could go with her. That's tempting. I dunno who all would be going--she almost made it sound like it'd just be her. Then I get home & mom has messaged me, inviting me over for burgers & to watch Tooth Fairy (which I've already seen--TOO cute!! haha) THEN...just a bit ago, Stacy started texting me & inviting me over to Ryan's for BBQ. The only thing with her's though, is she's not sure if it'll be tomorrow or Monday yet. I'd lean more towards going to Stacy's than anyone else. I know her peeps & am comfortable around them (well, as comfortable as I get anyway...haha) Soooo...I STILL have no idea what I'm gonna be doing!! *snorts* It'll be a spur of the moment decision, I suppose...whoever contacts me 1st! ;-p

Bleh...so...umm...I've gotta quit smoking again. :/ Not because I *want* to & not *FOR* somebody (like it was the last time)...but cuz I simply can't afford it! *sighs* I've been buying them online but, apparently, Congress passed the PACT Act, which prohibits tobacco products from being mailed!! FUCK ME!! Argh!! *sighs heavily* I was getting them online for HALF the cost I can buy them at a store. Fucken ridiculous, dude! :/ Whatever. But...I'm not gonna quit cold turkey like I did last time & totally jack up my system. I'm gonna wean myself off of them this time.

Amanda really hit the nail on the head the other day...it's taken me a year & a half to regain some semblance of a "life" back. She says she's been watching me opening up, venturing out, doing new things, going out with peeps...over the last year. I can't let myself regress now! And that's exactly what'll happen if I don't stand up for myself & be honest with Sara about what I need. The bond that we had...isn't the same. I can't go back to where I was. Even though, somewhere...deep, deep inside...I *know* it's still there & can be called upon at any given time...She broke it by failing to do Her *job* of protecting me & taking care of me. I don't owe her any more effort on my part. Mine is there...ready & willing...but it's being protected by ME right now. She's the one that has to regain the trust & respect. I can't do it for her & I can't just blindly give it to her...cuz when I do...it'll be MY fault then--whatever happens next. I will be allowing her to hurt me. I guess I always DID allow it anyway. *shrugs* But I was blind & stupid in love with her...I had no ability to control anything. :/ *sighs* I wish my brain had a fucken delete button so I didn't have to deal with this...