Weekend be GONE!!

UGH!! Was a HELLUVA weekend!! I'm soooo glad it's over!! :/

It all started Friday night with this dumb chick leaving an inappropriate comment on Jenn's FB page. It upset me & pissed her off. That was an all night long issue. :/

Saturday, at work...UGH! Cindy pissed me off towards the end of the day. I spent 3 freaking months reorganizing room 3 & have been working on room 4 since. But I was putting flats away Saturday afternoon & found out just how much of a WRECK room 3 is in!! It pissed me off cuz Claire is not doing her job properly. It was mentioned to Cindy & her response was "Well, you haven't been in room 3!" WTF?! I just gave her a dumb look for a minute & then looked at Kelli. SERIOUSLY?! Kelli backed me up immediately, stating that *I* shouldn't be the only person that knows how to put books away properly to avoid the mass chaos & overcrowding that occurs! But she just doesn't GET it...at all!! It's like talking to a brick wall. At that point, I was over it & went home. Done. I do NOT want to repeat this process of 6 months of work reorganizing these rooms in another year cuz people can't fucken put books away the RIGHT way to begin with!!! ARGHHHH!!! But wtfever...*sighs*

So, yeah, I left work & went straight to Amanda's new house. Mostly to SEE the new house...lol...but REALLY...she offered up adult beverages & I was *SO* there at that point! haha The house is just AWESOME! Love it!! But Dan hurt his back again Friday night & has been down ever since. He is LITERALLY crooked! I almost cried just looking at him...OMG! And she's had the boys all weekend by herself basically since Dan can't do anything...plus, still trying to move! :/ Eep! Gage came out & was being my friend (getting me to pet him). He's not usually that friendly with me. Champ is my favorite & is usually the one that will come to me but he hid most of the time. I'm more at ease around Champ. He at least talks! Gage does not. Both boys are autistic, by the way, if you're getting lost here. lol Champ is 8 & Gage is 6 or they may be 9 & 7 by now--not sure! Anyway, the whole time I was there, they were being quite bad...tearing stuff up, etc. They collapsed one of the beds by jumping on it & I helped her fix it. I went home after a while & spent time with Jenn...in & out of SL. AFTER we had a long phone call.

Was getting texts from Kat off & on. At some point, late in the night, I did something I shouldn't have done. But it was out of desperation & concern. I don't know if it helped or hurt matters yet but it upset her some. I simply do not know how to deal with the situation anymore...just on my end of it!! And it bothers me hearing her upset all of the time. Sooo...I made a choice. Time will tell. Anyway...I laid down at 7 am Sunday morning but was still basically awake when Amanda started texting me at 9 am. I finally fell asleep sometime after that. Luckily, I'd put my phone on silent after Amanda cuz my phone started blowing up around noon. I didn't get up til 1 pm. And it blew up all damn day!! Kat mostly. *sighs* I went over to Amanda's around 3ish pm. Her dad & stepmom were there when I got there. She'd already dropped the boys back off with their mom. Dylan was leaving to go somewhere. Dan was still down & out. So I helped her bring in their huge ass computer desk, a big chair & a coffee table from the garage into the house. We had more adult beverages!! haha Dan's bird, Chewbaca, became my buddy. He stayed perched on my shoulder for about 30 minutes or so. lol I've always been kinda scared of him before so I've never held him really. But he talked & sang the whole time! lol Gave me kisses & even pooped on me! ;-p Then we discovered a little family of finches outside & we sat out there & watched them for a while. She fed them. They were so cute! ;-) Then I went home & spent time with Jenn in SL. I was out like a light by 10:30 pm! haha Phone was still going off til 2 am! :/

Bastian woke me up at 4 am though. I was due to get up at 5. *sighs* I opened this morning. Nixon came to visit late Saturday night...helping Manda move those few things yesterday...yeah, well, it didn't make for a good combo!!! My EVERYTHING hurts!!! So I came home today at 1 pm. When Jenn goes to work, I'll do kitty litter, wash dishes, fold laundry from Saturday night & dinner...then I'm hugging the heating pad the rest of the night. :/

Lazy Day Off...

hahaha Jen & I were on the phone for over 6 hrs last night! ;-p I didn't go to bed til after 4 am...*smirks*

Got up at 1 pm finally. Then STILL got nothing accomplished! lol Wasn't even Jen's fault! *giggles* I just...wanted to veg. I'll do laundry & stuff on Sunday. Got texts from Amanda & Stacy throughout the day. From what I gather, the day at work was...bad. *sighs* So I'm not looking forward to tomorrow & I just wanted to relax today... :/

Got several texts from Ben today. Kat was working--getting ready for school to start back up. But then she kept showing up on Yahoo--both accounts...but I dunno if it was actually her. Last week, I'd messaged her when I saw her on one day & Ben texted me saying she wasn't home. So, yeah, even though I HAD more confidence in messaging her 1st...I don't anymore. :/

Jen & I had a long discussion last night about Ben & Kat & the whole poly issue. I think I'm finally figuring out my hesitance about them. She would let me go to them...if I wanted to. But I don't think I want to. Not right now. I'm too afraid of being their "toy" or being in between them still. Or...the simple fact that they aren't consistent. I need the stability!! I can't do the yo-yo thing anymore. It makes me insane. And THAT'S the reason I continue to hesitate!! But if it ever gets to the point where they TRULY know what it is that they want...it'll be a discussion for all FOUR of us...not just them...& not just me...

GRRRRR!!!

Ok...so the weekend pretty much SUCKED!!! hahaha Withdrawals from smoking culminated as of Saturday. I went out 3 times to get JUNK to nom to keep from smoking...& all 3 times, I had to fight a mental battle to NOT buy cigs while I was there!! *sighs* But...I didn't give in...& I guess that's a plus...lol! ;-p I couldn't sit still for shit. I didn't sleep like I wanted to either. It would've been easier if I had! :/ The cravings weren't as intense on Sunday. I spent a lot of time talking to Jen...& that helped. :-) Gave me something else to concentrate on...haha. But...OMG...I've gained like 6 lbs from all the CRAP I ate! Sheesh. I think I will wait & go back to the diet on the 1st...make a whole new fresh start with it. Get this quitting smoking thing under control 1st. Ick. :/ I'm wearing my last patch today. Hoping it'll help push me over that edge of being psycho...*chuckles*

Cindy should be back to work on Friday or Saturday. I may be opening most of the week but Kelli was off Saturday (since it was her birthday) so we didn't get a chance to figure it out for sure. I'll go ahead & open this morning & then we'll figure it out when she gets there. Cindy was telling Manda & I on Saturday that she really wants each of us to spend a day at SIBA at the end of September...culminating with all of us being there on Sunday--the last day of it cuz that's when the trade show part of it is open & all of the booths are out, etc. Kelli was saying that Judy always paid for people to go to it in the past but we have no idea what Cindy's gonna do. You have to pay to park, food while you're there, etc. Hotels for staying over but that's kinda dumb since it's in Daytona...so I dunno...guess we'll get all of that figured out the closer it gets to time for it to happen. *shrugs* I would imagine since we'll be off work to go, she'd pay us as if we were at work?? Not sure...we'll see...

Jen & I discussed her trip here in more detail. I'm getting excited about it but...still...a little freaked out! ;-p After all...my only REAL *experience* with this sort of thing was Kathy &...well...I wasn't exactly receptive to her at all. LOL!! ;-p Plus, Jen will be on my turf...not me being in a totally foreign situation...which I think will help. We'll be here at my place for the most part. But we'll most likely get a hotel room at the beach at least for one night--that will be awesome!! It has been...*thinks*...hmm...shit...maybe since Pensacola since I spent time at the beach at night (which I've always loved the most) & that was in 1991! haha Then there's the Halloween party at Da Vinci's which will be freaking AWESOME if it's anything like it was last year!! :D All the girls really want to meet her, too. ;-) Which helps a lot, too. It's extremely ODD being with someone that everybody I know is in approval of!! *smirks*

Speaking of...I spoke to Kat a few times last week & each time, she was doing some random thing that...finally made me realize...I am sooooo *NOT* suited for them! At all. :/ I've always known the politics thing would be an issue. But...I have NEVER been one to be influenced by status enhancers (LOVE the BMW but...I have a thing for nice cars just not for the STATUS that they bring--why I've always picked on her about the Subaru...haha) But, really...the country club membership??? Come on!! *rolls eyes* Yeah, yeah so she says it's so they can play golf...*dies laughing* Ok, so I've always sucked at sports. And...well, I've played putt putt golf & that was fun but REAL golf...no, thanks! And the bowling league? Yeah...there's the sports thing again. I attempted to bowl a few times when I was a teen. Fun cuz it was just that...for FUN! But It's not something I can learn & improve how I play it. lol And the camping thing...yeah...NEVER!!!! No matter WHAT or HOW they went about trying to involve me in that! *laughs* I wouldn't be adverse to going to visit them for several reasons. I want to go back to that part of the world cuz I fell in love with the area & the weather there when I was there & I miss it. I'd love to see the new house. I'd love to see the girls & Bella. I'd truly love the chance to hang out with them & just get to know each other...FINALLY. I guess I still have the need to prove to Ben I'm not evil. I never was. I never had any bad intentions before. I want him to get to know me for me & not as a jealousy issue or a threat to him. I want to get to know her for her & not as a cold fish spaz that she was at the time. But...that's the extent of it. :/ I don't want to go there, KNOWING they will tag team me into doing something I don't really want to do. Because I'd certainly give in...I always do in that kind of situation & I would anyway just *cuz*...but it's been 2 yrs since there was anything even remotely intimate between us...I can't just jump straight back into that! And she doesn't understand that. I was never certain about him even way back when. There's no way I'm ready to even contemplate it now. I still love her & she knows that. A part of me always will. But I have to keep that separate. I owe it to Jen to keep it separate. I've found something with her that could turn out to be REAL & be what I *need* & if I were to go off & lose my mind...all of that would be ruined. I'm not ready to throw her away for one of Kat's whims...I'm well aware that Kat only truly cares every so often & not always...I need more than just occasionally...*sighs*

ARGHHHHHHH!!!!

So...umm...yeah...it finally dawned on me today...

I've been sick to my stomach & cramping, etc for several days now. Feeling *odd*...like nervous, anxious, skittish...like I have fucken ADD...times 10! All I wanna do is sleep! Went to bed at 9:30 pm last night...10:30 night before then! Eating whatever I can get my hands on (diet has flown out the window!!). I can't sit still for shit.

And it dawned on me...I haven't had a cigarette in 5 or 6 days...DUH!!! *sighs* Then the light came on...haha...withdrawals...detoxing...ughhhhhh!!! :/ It's nowhere as near as bad as the last time...which, ironically enough, was almost exactly 2 yrs ago (Sep will be 2 yrs). But, I also had Tanya, Sean & Coop around so I didn't spaz out as much. The cravings aren't as intense but the munchies are HELLA worse!! I just really wanna sleep til I get over this hump...really!! :/ I may try to dope up so I'm in & out of consciousness tonight, tomorrow & tomorrow night...*sighs* I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin right now...but even that isn't as bad as it was 2 yrs ago! lol *shrugs*

Cindy is gonna be gone most of next week, I think. Her & Claire are sposed to fly out tomorrow. She paid me her portion of the insurance premium the other day so I've got my phone bill covered...YAY!!! *whew* But...I may hafta borrow some cash before payday...if these munchies keep up like they have been...*SIGHS*...OMG...this is getting ridiculous & needs to be over SOON!! :/

ACK!!

Yesterday...sheesh...I already had a *DAY* before I even got to work!! Bleh...

I'd gone to bed at midnight as per usual. I was still awake at 1 am. Bastian started playing & woke me around 2ish & played til I got up at 6! By 8, I could barely keep my eyes open so I texted Cindy & Kelli about going in at noon. Then I napped til 11.

When I got up, I decided to call Blue Cross, Blue Shield. They've been calling for "more information" for a few days now. So I called. They're wanting actual blood test numbers from when I was diagnosed with anemia last year! They tried calling the dr but the line was busy. So now I hafta call them & get the numbers & call BCBS back! FFS!! I'd forgotten why I've never bothered with insurance too often in the past. It's all BS...

After BCBS, I called T-Mobile. Fuck me! Long story short...I can not do anything & let the auto pay try to take my payment as usual & get a $35 insufficient funds fee & phone deactivated til it's paid (& that's not counting the $29 insufficient funds fee from BOA!)...OR...I can deactivate the auto pay for a fee of $5, phone deactivated til I pay them & pay a $35 reactivation fee!! Umm...RIGHT!! Soooo...I'm taking the money I had stashed to pay my car license renewal (due Sept 12) to the bank this morning to deposit so it'll be there when T-Mobile's auto pay hits this weekend. *sighs*

THEN...I went to work!! hahaha ;-p Actually...work was fine. Amanda was in Room 4 with me. She finished up the series wall & is starting to work the shelves from the end. We'll meet in the middle somewhere...lol.

About the time I got home, I started getting texts from Ben. LOL!! He was saying I was gonna get more treats than tricks this year (referring to Jen coming here for Halloween!) haha Then Kat came on Yahoo for a minute before she went to text. I swear...the 2 of them were ON something!! *laughs* ;-p I asked her if she was drunk...*chuckles* She's pretty adamant that I'm coming to visit them. Me...I'm still in the "it's a slight possibility" stage...lol...*shrugs*

Got on cam for the 1st time with Jen! ;-p I *HATE* being on cam...gah!! But it's whatever! ;-p

Amanda texted & said she needed to leave early today so I needed to close with Stacy...lol. Oh, well. Book club meeting tomorrow night. Haven't read the book & I have no idea what I'm taking (food-wise). Meh...life is beginning to crowd me a little bit at the moment... :/

Oh Boy...lol

Work today was FINE!!! And it was just me & Kelli. It wasn't nuts but stayed busy. We couldn't wait til 4 pm! lol Cindy came in 1st thing this morning for a while. She pissed me off as she walked in the door, spouting off about processing that needed to be done. I basically ignored her the rest of the time she was there...

We go back to regular hours on Monday. Looks like I may be able to regularly go in at 9 & get off at 5! :D

Now for the REAL news!!! hahaha Umm...I think Jen & I have basically decided she's coming here for a visit for Halloween. :-) Nothing is set in stone, of course...but we're already planning!! ;-) La de da...*giggles*

Just Back the F**K Off!!

O. M. G. Talk about days from HELL! *sighs*

Ok, 1st...I woke up from an extremely bizarre dream at 2:30 am. I don't even remember most of it now except bits & pieces & remembering that it absolutely made no sense! lol Ok, 1st of all, I *rarely* dream!! Out of those exceptions, almost NONE of them are ever weird in any way! hahaha Anyway...Bastian realized I was awake & proceeded to play until I actually got up at 6 am! *sighs* I never really went back to sleep. :/ So, by the time I got to work at 9:45, I was already not at peak level!

I walked in the door & all hell was breaking loose!! Apparently, Cindy came to work with a stick up her ass a mile long!!! Ok, let's get some background info here for a moment: Yesterday...Cindy was off. We sent Stacy home cuz she was freaking death warmed over! Amanda was working in the garage (this is where we keep all of our back up excess), organizing the wall where the hardbacks are kept cuz you couldn't get to anything the way it was without hurting yourself! That left me & Kelli on counter. Ok. The DAY itself was fucken ridiculous!!! No, we didn't have a lot of sales. But the phone rang nonstop, people were in & out of the store, had us running around looking for shit & then didn't buy, it was a "dump day" (meaning--people bring shitloads of books in & donate or trade in), we got an order in (not a regular one but a school order plus some special orders AND some magazines). Kelli & I had equal time on the registers & phone & dealing with customers. We both did parts of checking in the order. We both dealt with the dumps...even Amanda got involved in one of the big ones (multiple boxes of books---we had TWO of these at the same fucken time!) I processed all of the paperbacks we got in. Kelli was pricing hardbacks as much as she could in between the other 400 things going on. Our work table was literally PILED with hardbacks & trades this morning that we didn't get a chance to get to. Cindy walked in & saw this & IMMEDIATELY went into a tirade about "nothing got done yesterday"!!! WTF?!?! Amanda had already holed herself in the garage by the time I got there & Stacy was just giving me the "looks". When Kelli got there, Cindy tore into her. I was in the garage with Amanda when Kelli came back there...her 1st words..."What the HELL?!?!" Yeah...so Amanda decided maybe I should say something to Cindy...so up I went. Told her, FLAT OUT...the day was fucken ridiculous & we busted our asses alllll day! It's not like we were sitting around having a party...FFS! I'm still knee-deep in this Room 4 project but since she was having a freaking cow, I asked Cindy if she wanted me to help process the hardbacks & trades to get them out. Her response was some snide/sarcastic comment about how we just need to process the crap that's piled around & quit pulling shit from everywhere else (referring to the multiple projects going on in the store at the moment). That just went all over me!! I can't fucken do MY JOB in room 4 without pulling!! I was over it at that point, took my shit & went to room 4 to do my job that I know how to do & she hasn't got a fucken clue!!

Cindy has had the store for almost a year now & she STILL refuses to listen to us, trust us, be AWARE that WE know what the fuck we're doing....when she doesn't! It's gotten extremely old & over abused. We're all just about over it, her AND the store!! She's gonna be up a creek if/when we all walk...she needs to just back the fuck off & let us do this...

The tension was sooooo thick all damn day that you could cut it with a knife! That's NOT an environment that I enjoy!! I was pissed off all day & hurt like hell. I carry my stress in my neck & shoulders (where I got hurt in the car accident)...so it makes for NOT fun times when I get upset like that. *sighs*

And I'm really not looking forward to tomorrow either. It's just me & Kelli. Cindy has a skydive thing to do. Stacy has her cousin's wedding to go to. And Amanda has the boys. Come THE FUCK ON Saturday @ 4 pm!!! *sighs* I'm done...with this week....already! :/

Back on Counter!

*sighs* Cindy, Amanda & now Stacy have been passing around a cold! UGH! Today was Stacy's day to call in. I told Cindy if they get me sick, I'm killing all of em! lol I don't wanna be sick!! She laughed & said that'd be ok cuz I'd be putting them outta their misery! *snorts* Shit!! Well, that just won't work!! haha Amanda was late today, taking Dylan to school to get her locker & stuff & then running around doing stuff for her mom. By the time she got there, we had lunch & then the order came in! By the time that was all taken care of, it was 2:30 & then too late to go do anything in room 4. *sighs* I hate the fucken counter. Really I do...

2 weeks ago, Cindy sent me home with a stack of erotica advances she wants me to read so we can decide if we should order them or not. I haven't had time to even look at them!! But...she was asking about them again today so I'm gonna try to start one here in a minute. *sighs* I've only got 1 chapter of my book club book read & we meet next Wed! Crap. lol *sighs* I need to win lotto!!! Dammit...

Everyone at work keeps randomly asking when I'm gonna let Jen come down here. *laughs* I dunno! ;-p Not sure I'll ever truly be ready for that to happen...it'll just hafta happen & I'll be forced to deal with it. But that's not a good scenario either so I really have no clue...

Ok...off to read erotica...yay...*snorts*

Oops...

Completely lazy day!!! lol Oopsies! ;-p

Didn't go to sleep til sometime after 8 am...haha...so I didn't get up til 3 pm! Didn't attempt laundry cuz it was so late. :/ I can make it til Sunday! ;-p

Sooo...SL, last night after Jen got home from work was...uhh...interesting! ;-p Her ex is lashing out at her. She'd gone to the studio earlier & took down pics of me & Jen & replaced them with pics of her & Jen! That set Jen off!! She's been trusting her not to do anything stupid & has still been trying to remain friends with her--which I knew about! Cierra showed up at the studio during the quick staff meeting Jen called to explain to the others about rights being revoked. I thought I was gonna faint when she showed up! It's the 1st time I've seen her since Jen & I hooked up (not counting that 1st night! LMAO) She didn't stay long! *smirks* After that intensity, Jen & I invaded Lily's house! lol OMG...this girl has me so completely outta my comfort zone sometimes! ;-p When we finally got back home, I noticed that Cierra had been at the house!!! :/ Jen fixed it but...still! :/ After all of this, I think it finally dawned on Jen that she never had a reason to worry about Kat! Which, is very refreshing!! Takes a LOT of stress off of me! :D She was shocked that I was still with her after all of this. Meh. It's not that amazing really! :/

I've been...hmm..."trained"...to be on the sidelines! Not that that is a good thing at all! Let's see...everything that was ever shared with Lou was done on the sly cuz Polly (her RL wife AND my chain sister in SL) was *always* around! With Lee...I always took a back seat to every Tom, Dick & Harry in SL!!! And with Kathy...Becca was always the most important. She never even told her when I was staying with her! And...*obviously*...she's STILL has not told her anything cuz Becca messaged me the other night in SL!! lolol Geez...that was weird! ;-p But it's been Kat who transformed how I react to being in that situation. :/ I was always #692 on the list of things she needed to do...regardless! From day 1, I've always been petrified of Ben. I *KNEW* that he had all the power...always. And I was right, of course!! :/ When she went & messed around with Spektro...I fought tooth & nail for her!!! I won, in the end. But, really...did I?! *sighs* Then...well...Andy happened. I'm really not gonna go into all of that or my feelings about it but...all of a sudden, Ben & I were in the same boat. Except, at this point, I was already resigned to my place. It hurts but I know how to deal with it now.

I simply don't fight for it anymore. And I told Jen that. If she wants to go back to Cierra, she's free to go. My feelings have NEVER mattered in these issues & after 3 years...I've learned how to get past it. I let them go & do what they've gotta do. If they come back, so be it. If not...it's whatever! I guess the bottom line is...I don't make anyone my everything anymore...when all I am is an option. I learned that the hard way. :/

It's funny...I keep discovering new ways in which I've changed over the last year & a half. When will it ever stop?? lolol *shrugs*

Back To *Normal*...

Well, the remnants of last week are slowly dissipating. Thank Gawd!! Jen & I had a 5 hr...erm..."discussion" Saturday night. :/ That was super annoying! I swear to Gawd...neither Kat nor I can have a relationship that *doesn't*, in some way, mirror what we had! WTF?! She gets the same reactions she used to get from me & me...well, hell...I've turned into HER! *sighs*

So Jen & I are ok. We're back to normal, pretty much. :-) Much, much better this way! lol But, if you know me, then you know...that now that I know what's possible...I'm now waiting for it to happen again! :/ *sighs*

Kat has been keeping her issues to herself lately. :/ I dunno if that's good or bad really. Bad cuz I haven't a clue what's going on. Good cuz...well...I dunno a good reason. Though she did call me last night to tell me they bought a BMW. *snorts heavily & laughs* Yep...just MORE affirmation than what she gave me last week that I'm so way outta their league...heh! ;-p But...it's ok. I'm not dreaming of being in their league anymore. I took off the rose colored glasses a long time ago. I just still need her to be a part of my life regardless...

Haven't heard from Ben in days. Heh. Knew that was gonna happen! ;-p

After over a week being stuck on the counter, I *finally* got to go back to Room 4 today. Yay (sarcasm). *sighs* I've so completely lost ALL of my motivation for that project! :/ Or maybe I was just tired today? Dunno...

The diet...is actually working. *shock* But I still dunno if I can stick with it...meh!

I signed up for the health insurance at work & the premiums have already come out of my account. Erm...I didn't think that through well enough!! :-( I have 3 weeks to go before I get paid again & I have less than $40!! Crap. Gonna hafta do some major juggling...& phone bill won't get paid this month...ack!! 1st time in almost 2 yrs!! *SIGHS* Rent & car were paid on the 1st so I'm good really...just won't have a phone, I guess...til after the 1st. lol Shit...I need to win lotto!!! :/

Yay...

No drama allllllll day long! YAY!! :D Hopefully it's over now...*ponders*. Got nothing else accomplished today though! lol Now I'm ready for bed. ;-p

I think this is the last week of our summer hours at work. *pouts* I'm so not ready to be there til 6 everyday again! :/ 5 was really nice!! lolol Geezus...this summer went by FAST!! :-( But...honestly...I'm ready for cooler weather...though we won't get that til December probably. :/

FFS...!!!

Guess the drama isn't over after all!!! *sighs* Whatever. I can't deal with it. Peace out...

UGH...

Ok...well...it's been too long to play catch up but let's just say...UGHHHHHH!!!! :/ I'm so over it. :/ The drama. The emotions involved. And that's just with Jen, Sara & Ben!! I'm not even touching work!!! ;-p But...it seems things might be trying to calm down a bit now...THANK GAWD!!! *sighs* I've been going to bed super early last few nights cuz of it. I just have gotten to the point where I'd really rather not deal with it at all. :/

I've given up (momentarily) trying to quit smoking right now, too. Too much stress to attempt doing that. :/

On a lighter note (no pun intended)...I *officially* started the new diet yesterday. Meh. It's whatever. We'll see what happens...

YAY!!! Weekend!! Soooo ready for a day off! :/ Then I'm off on Tuesday, too. No plans for tomorrow really. Tuesday will be laundry. lol

Kat~n~kit

Heh...soooo..."Kat" & "kit" may be back. We stopped using those nicks a long time ago. Even though...Sara has never been anything but Kat to me! In my mind, it's what I think of...whether or not I actually refer to her as that or not. And any time she'd slip & call me kit...would just kill me! *sighs* I have to consciously THINK to call her Sara. It's a huge effort. lol But...she wants to go back to them. So, of course, I will. I just...*sighs*...I don't want it to allow me to be blind again & perhaps get blindsided. So I'll still hafta control it somewhat...after all, the names come from *that* place which renders me uber vulnerable...bleh...*sighs*...just wait & see, I suppose.

Nixon is visiting. Yay. Couple weeks early so he's kicking my ass. :/ So I knew I wouldn't be able to work on the Room 4 project today or I'd pass out. Stayed on counter instead. They're all marking the calendar that I VOLUNTEERED to do the counter...ROFL!!! ;-p Meh...whateva, beeyotches!! *snickers* But...it was super slow all morning so Cindy let me leave at 2. FB is now caught up, meds are kicking in & my ass is gonna SLEEP!! haha Peace out, ya'll! ;-p I'm off tomorrow so I don't even care how my patterns get messed up. I just wanna sleep til this passes...haha

DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so the whole weekend was drama!! :/ I fucken *HATE* drama!! And the last time I had drama was with Lee (she was ALWAYS drama!). I haven't missed it in the least!

So what was the cause? Meh. *sighs* Jen got freaked out about Sara. And Ben & Sara freaked me out! LOL But...that's neither here nor there really. One day at a time. Just...take it all...one day at a time. Keep telling myself that. Because...no matter what...I'm smarter this time! I think...lol! ;-p Even though I feel like I'm *home* again with talking to the both of them, Jen is the other side of that pendulum. She's not ready to be in love. Neither am I. And that's ok...isn't it?! Best of both worlds here in my hands & I haven't got a fucken clue as to what to do with it...hahaha! Sheesh! :/

SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMFG...shit, shit, shit! Yeah...umm...SHIT just about covers it!! o.0 That's pretty much all I've got to say...heh...oh, except maybe...FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!! *sighs*

On a higher note...maybe I found the incentive to really quit smoking now...o.0. Meh...we'll see...

It's 6:30 am & I'm about to go to bed. Been in SL with Jen all night. Of course. lol I have GOT to do chores tomorrow (erm...TODAY!)! My brain is in overdrive. *sighs* I'll worry about chores later... :/