No Happy Wishes!!

Sooo...tomorrow (the 19th) is Kat's birthday. It is killing me NOT to send her well wishes for the day! After all, up until recently, it did my heart good to impart sentiments towards others. I was like that my entire life! Got such a rush out of making someone smile. Bleh. Whatever. I *can't* send her wishes though. For a few reasons. #1: She taught me--the HARD way--that birthdays, holidays, anniversaries meant shit to her. #2: She's successfully ignored my birthday for the past 2 years & I'm certain she'll ignore this year's, too. Those are my top 2 reasons for preventing myself from saying anything to her. A lesser reason is...Ben. If I were to say something, I don't want to take the chance of him finding out about it & having a freaking cow. She's in a situation that she allows. She had choices to make a year ago. 2 years ago. She made the wrong ones. That doesn't mean I don't still care about her & hope that she is ok nonetheless. Nevermind she can't be bothered about me. That's the hard part. Knowing she doesn't care...& knowing that I can't seem to STOP caring! Bleh. Whatever...c'est la vie...