I Told Her So...

There was a discussion this morning in BPL (RE:  Tracie & Bill are still fighting their way through this thing with their girlfriend)...several things were said back & forth.  In my next to last reply, I recounted to her...You know, I've spent the last 2 1/2 years fighting with Sara SIMPLY because I still wanted to TALK to her, still wanted her a part of my life...regardless of where the actual relationship went!  It didn't matter that I still loved her.  It didn't matter if she wanted to be my gf or not.  ALL that mattered was she was my best friend & that's all I wanted to hold on to!  I still wanted her in my world because she was my friend & I didn't want to lose that.  But after this last disappearing act of hers...I realized something.  I no longer want to talk to her...  o.0

The moment I typed that out...it hit me.  I am totally done playing this game with her.  What I feel/want is irrelevant compared to knowing she will never be able to communicate.  And absolutely everything rides on that fact.  Finally coming to terms with it is what made me finally let go.  The battle to keep the friendship isn't worth the heartache.

The last part of the convo, Tracie seemed to really "catch on".  Amber & I were taking turns in saying almost the exact same things.  Yes, it's understandable, at this point, that she still wants to be her friend & talk to her.  But she's unsure of wanting a future relationship again.  Too much hurt was done between them in the last several days.  I told her...if she's not sure NOW what she wants...don't let it progress any farther just cuz she assumes she might want to try for a relationship later.  It's simply not worth it.  Her Jennifer sounds like the PERFECT mix of Sara & I.  She has Sara's wishy washiness & my insecurities.  I almost feel sorry for her...lol...Tracie, I mean!  :-p

Then...around 2 pm, I started getting texts from Cindy.  She was all in a panic cuz the order had come in & she still hadn't been able to get to it.  Just her & Sava there today.  But...she was trying to find & pull out the special orders to call people on.  However, she hadn't found the Invoice nor the stickers yet so NOTHING she was actually pulling out was getting checked in, processed, etc!  I asked her if she wanted me to come in & do it.  No, she said.  I asked if she wanted to leave it for me to do tomorrow.  She then went on this rant about not being able to do anything today, she's still sick, things were crazy & she was freaking out about the order.  So I told her to just leave it alone...I'd do it.  She kept on talking about the special orders.  It took me THREE times of telling her to STOP fucking with it & let me fix it tomorrow before she finally agreed.  Special orders can wait til tomorrow, too...unless someone shows up & asks for it today.  Otherwise, all she's going to end up doing is TOTALLY FUCKING IT UP!  *sighs*  I'm not even excited about going to work & finding out what all she's done to it at this point.  Ugh.

The funny thing here is this...not even a month ago, she & I had this "discussion" where I told her we needed to make sure the both of us were there on order days unless absolutely necessary.  I say that because she & I are the only ones in that damned store that can manage the task!!  Her response to me was a very sarcastic "I can handle it!!"  I didn't say this to her but I was initially making it a point to her BECAUSE I'm very much aware that she CAN'T fucken handle it!!!!  I can.  It does stress me out but I can do it.  It's extremely difficult to check in & process an order while running the front end & going in behind whoever else may be up there (Claire, Savannah & now Maia).  The 3 of them do not have any sort of handle on running the front end at all.

I'm just curious if today's events have made her realize why I say the things to her that I do...I doubt it but one can hope...*sighs*