It Snuck Up On Me!

Fuck me!  *sighs*  I'm missing her.  *sighs heavily*

There's been several instances today.  In the group, Amber had a thread going about finally letting go of her crazy stalker-bitch.  David had commented about it being a good thing that she's now left with stable & non-stalkerish women in her life.  I commented that...at this point...I would take crazy & stalkerish!  Not that I mean that...but...just to have someone there.  I'm lonely at the moment.  And I'm missing her.  The 2 go hand in hand.

Later, Amber had a status that said "Love isn't about finding the perfect person to love but loving the imperfect person you've found."  David commented that it meant there was hope for the rest of us then.  My comment was that there was no hope for me...that I've been there...& tried that.  Amber commented that life was too short for me to just give up after trying once.  My retort was that yes...at least, for the next 10 years or so.  *sighs*

Now I'm crying over a Drop Dead Diva episode.  Fred was doing karaoke of Baby I Need Your Loving.

I just...*sighs*...I dunno.  July 11 will be the 4 year mark.  July 12 will be a month since I've heard from her.  July 14...is the day that I bound my heart & soul to Her.  I'm still VERY MUCH angry at her for being unwilling & unable to just communicate with me!!  But I miss my best friend something agonizing.  A part of me is empty.  This is the 1st I've cried over her this time.  It's taken...what...3 weeks?!

I absolutely don't want to talk to her.  I'm well aware there's NO point in that!  She'll NEVER be able to communicate.  She'll NEVER be able to not just abandon me.  She'll NEVER be the person she used to be again.  I'm just in a moment of weakness right now.  And it hurts...

It'll pass...