UGH!! :/

I've been super nauseous all morning! :/ Even puked right after getting out of the shower. *sighs* And...all I wanna do is just curl up & sleep! *sighs* But...I hafta go to work!! Amanda will be the only one there for a while. Cindy has a dr's appointment this morning. I'm feeling better since puking but still not *OK*. Besides, my "slave", Claire, will be there today. LOLOL That's what Amanda refers to her as!! ;-p *snorts* I HAFTA laugh whenever she says that...well...just CUZ! ;-p I'm just gonna have her doing flats again. IF I can work on my project, I will. Otherwise, I'll be on counter, I'm sure. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Off tomorrow. So if I can just make it through today...I can wallow. I'm manifesting. I'm well aware of that. Not really much I can do about it though...

Please...PLEASE...let this day be over already!! :/

Memories...

"You're my every other memory..." (Heard on Shanghai Kiss)


And the tears fall like a spring rain...

Helluva Day!! :/

MAN!! :/

I walk in this morning at 8:45 & can't even get my shit put down before Cindy is saying she has a project for me! Eep! Judy has sent her the 300+ email addresses for the newsletter. They needed to be input. Not a big deal...right?! WRONG!! Just over 3 hours later...I was finally done. :/ Each email had to be put in one at a time. Then put them in the Newsletter group that I'd created. Was semi-ok til about halfway through them when I could no longer do it by using a few clicks. I had to do the last half by copying & pasting the emails as new entrys. Thought I was done at that point but NOOOO! Yahoo only allows 20 emails in the send field! CRAP!! Then I had to go & create SUB groups in the Newsletter group! 20 emails into 16 sub groups! So that now all she has to do is click the sub groups & send 1 email. Sheesh. :/ Oh...& during this, I was having to wait on customers, too! And...I was SO not in the mood to deal with people today!! *sighs*

Then I got to work on my Room 3 project for a little bit before being called back up to the front. People were everywhere!! Books were coming in left & right. And it was just Cindy. Amanda was checking in the big fuck-up order that had come in. Not only was it a reorder of a January order...the tags & everything were fucked up, too. And...the best part...Stacy left at 1 cuz she had a paper to write. o.0 SERIOUSLY?! WTF is Sunday for??? Whatever. Anyway, Cindy got pulled away & that left just me. I was fine. I was fine until Lori thought she needed to step in & help! Umm...NO!! She doesn't know the trade policy, she knows nothing of the register processes, she's slow, she gets confused & confuses the customers & I CAN'T ring up 2 people at once! FFS!! Anyway...I finally got to escape the front for a little while to go back to Room 3 but not for long. Amanda needed help with the front, finishing processing the new order, etc. She wanted to be finished by 6 & she's off tomorrow. I finally left at 5:30. Long. Ass. Day. Ugh!

The cycle has officially started...

I wanna go to the beach...

I wanna sleep...

I wanna NOT be around people...

I wanna vacation...

I wanna not be in my head or my body at the moment...

I wanna...nevermind...

3 Months...Almost...

It's been almost 3 months since I've heard from Kat. Spent several hours today chatting with her on FB. Not ONLY that, she *called* me! 1st I've heard her voice in over a year. I will refrain from going into detail about what I was feeling through these hours of chat. I will say though...that I cried...when she apologized. She's apologized before but I never could hear it. I was still too angry with her. I'm not angry so much anymore. Just empty. It is what it is. *shrugs*

Went up to the store after Kelli texted me, saying she'd totally bottlenecked my project & started doing it differently. Freaked me out a bit, to say the least! Right in the middle of this convo with Kat...my nerves were already shot as it was! :/ But she didn't do anything drastic. Just her process of doing the moving is different than mine...lol. *whew* So while I was there, I chatted with Amanda. About Kat. So we're both aware that my cycle will now begin again & when I get to that NASTY point that I get to...that point where I'm just utterly miserable...she's gonna smack me, take me out for drinks, get me drunk & tell me to shut up. LOL!!! Heh. I hate this fucken cycle. I wish I knew how to break it...

Here We Go...

Yesterday was Stacy's 1st day back in almost 2 weeks. She'd contacted me on FB yesterday morning & was complaining so the day didn't look optimistic from there. When she came in, she was complaining. It looked like nothing was going to be any different. When Cindy handed her the new handbook though...something shifted! Stacy's 1st reaction was "I'm gonna get fired!" I tried not to laugh...too much. ;-p From that point on, we had the OLD Stacy back!! It was utterly refreshing! :D I'm just hoping it stays that way...

Last night, Mike came in & was going to be installing my new shelves in Room 3. WOOHOO!! Considering it's been about 5 months since the idea was initially introduced...haha...I'm EXCITED!!! But what does that mean exactly? Well, that means I will start on my MASSIVE reorganization project!! As it is now, Room 3 is divided into sections. The left side of the room is historicals & romance. The right side of the room is general fiction, gothics, regencys & hardbacks. The IDEA is to integrate the right side with the left, creating one BIG alphabet! In the end, what that will do is make the room easier to navigate. AND...*hopefully*...give Lori some more room to expand the hardbacks. This project will take weeks to accomplish. I would estimate that there are about 50,000+ books in that room. All of which--every single book--will have to be moved!! What ELSE does that mean?! It means I will be hurting like a son-of-a-bitch for WEEKS!! That, I'm not looking forward to! :/ I mean, I hurt on a daily basis anyway with just my regular workload. *sighs* But...it will be worth it in the end...

Break Even...

I just happened across this song the other day. Yes...I cried. I think, out of the 400+ songs that are ALREADY attributed to Her, this one...this one is the MOST *exact*...

Opening Procedures...

So I went in at 8:30 this morning to learn how to open. It's SOOOOOOOO freaking difficult!! Dunno if I can remember it all!!! (*sarcasm*)

Dreading tomorrow but I've got a ton of flats stacked up so hopefully I can avoid the front all day...

She left a comment on Sebastian's photo album on FB this morning...not sure what else to say about that...

Nice Surprise!!

I've known Katy online since summer '07. We met in SL. Within a few months, she was off SL but we kept in touch via YM, email & now FB. Now I knew she was on vacation, attending her grandmother's 90th birthday festivities & all but I thought she was in VA or somewhere up north close to her home in MD. lol She messaged me on YM at 11 pm last night & asks what I'm doing today & if I wanna hang out! haha To say she took me by surprise would be an understatement! Come to find out, she's here in FL, only about an hr or so away!! So we made plans for her to come over & we'd go out to lunch. She only had a small time frame that she was free from family stuff & since she took the long way to get here & to go back, that cut our visit even shorter! :/ So I got up at 6 am this morning!! LOL Ugh. Took a shower, cleaned kitty litter, did the dishes, cleaned the bathroom, made my bed & just generally picked up around the house. She got here just before noon. She brought Sebastian a toy!! LMAO!! These feathers on a string attached to a pole thingy! But, of course, since he freaks out when company comes, she only caught a glimpse of him! Sheesh! :/ Then we went to Chili's. They took FOREVER to bring food, the waitress sucked, then it took a long time to get the check. It was raining when we left. We had fun though, regardless!! Too funny! She's a dork! ;-p I got her back here & she immediately had to take off to get back to her grandma's on time. Sebastian is afraid of the toy! OMG! Retard!! lol I kept trying to get him to play with it. I'll just hafta keep trying. :/ Then I took a nap. Got up, had dinner, had a text-fest with Amanda (mostly about Stacy) & now...I need to read! UGH! The plan for this weekend: totally out the window! LOL We'd gotten Fern Michael's Payback in the early part of the week. It's the 2nd in her Sisterhood series & we haven't had it for months. So I snatched it Sat cuz it's an easy read & I shoulda been able to get through it today. Nope. lol Read 3 chapters last night & NOTHING today! But I'm gonna read now til bedtime. See how far I get. :/

I'm going in at 8:30 in the morning to learn how to open. Yay. lol Maybe I'll get to leave early?

Official-Responsibility...

The other day, Kelli had mentioned me learning how to open. It's not a difficult task...I just have never been taught the steps. She was thinking of it cuz there's just some days she wants to be lazy & sleep in! *giggles* Besides...9 times out of 10, I'm already up anyway & can be there in a few minutes if she texts me. So we discussed it in length more yesterday with Cindy & Amanda. It's a go apparently. lol Amanda walked me through closing procedures a little bit last night. I'm supposed to go in early on Monday & learn opening procedures with Cindy.

Also, yesterday...Cindy went & got all *OFFICIAL* on us! haha We now have an Employee Handbook with specific guidelines in writing. We had to sign off on the receipt of said handbook. Really...it's not all that scary. She's just covering her ass--which is a GOOD thing! Cuz...possibly...the shit is gonna hit the fan next week or soon after. We'll just hafta hide & watch to see what happens. ;-p In the handbook, it says that we get a raise on our yearly anniversary date? Hmmm. Curious about that one! My year is coming up on the 30th of this month. That will be cool if she does that!! Then I won't be hovering above minimum wage anymore. Yeeha!! Also, it says we get 5 days of vacation time after a yr. Nice! :-) BUT...the part I like the best is...she's setting us up for Direct Deposit!! WOOHOO!! :D BOA implemented a minimum balance last fall. I have to pay a $9.95 fee every month that I don't keep the minimum balance in my account. Which, is IMPOSSIBLE for me to do! However, if I have DD, I can avoid the fee! So...YAY!! No more fees!! *woot* Change is in the air! And it appears GOOD! *crosses fingers*

Nothing?!

I did semi ok with doing NOTHING today! haha Got up at 9, played on FB for a couple of hrs, trying to catch up from the week & a half that I ignored it mostly cuz of SL. Then I took a nap. Got up, put my fan together, did kitty litter, dishes, dinner. Chatted with Traci for a couple mins on YM. She's been sick so why she hasn't been online. Watched a movie. Then finished playing catch up with FB! I wonder how long it'll stay caught up now?? lol Guess that depends on how much I go in SL, huh? ;-p Finished off the night by looking at an online college. Everyone is talking about or ARE going back to school & I've wanted to all along (otherwise I wouldn't have tried it twice already!) The book shop is not my dream job. Nor is clerical work (when I happen to find it). I want something better. But I've got to find a way to be able to do it 1st. *sighs* I'm still interested in the criminal justice field--not as a beat cop but something more specialized (like the cyber crimes I was going for at ITT). I think I'd be good at that. As long as I don't have to take any fucken ridiculous algebra/math classes!! FFS!! :-(

It's 12:30 am & I'm not really sleepy yet (damned nap!)...ugh! :/

Random Thoughts...

Stacy is taking the entire week off this week. It's her Spring Break plus her birthday is the 20th. Work has been pleasant without her there. Busy cuz we're missing a body but...pleasant. I don't even really bother to talk to her when she IS there anymore!! She's bitten my head off enough times now that I'm just over her. Done. I have *zero* sympathy for anything that's going on in her life now. I'm not looking forward to her coming back...

Cindy has also hired 2 part-timers. John & her friend, Claire. John is mostly being utilized in room 2 with Lori. Claire is mine. I have her straightening & pulling excess in room 3 so far. She's really beginning to make some room but creating a LOT of excess for the garage! I'm starting to get nervous about the amount of excess but if she leaves it the way it is, we still won't have any room! Quite the conundrum. :/ I'm gonna think on a better plan tomorrow...

I noticed the other day that Rachael now has a FB page! She's growing up. I miss her. And Anna. I want to friend her but I won't...

Annie created an email & Yahoo Messenger account for Brittany. lol She's too cute!! 9 yrs old & acts like she's grown! haha She's been chatting with me on YM. I hope they come down again this summer...

We had our book club meeting tonight. Fun, as usual. We've decided to do something different next month--we're gonna meet at Chili's! Should be interesting to see these clowns in a public place! LMAO

Off tomorrow. Plan on doing absolutely NOTHING!! lol We'll see how that goes! ;-p

I haven't talked to Traci for 2 days now. Surprisingly enough, it bothers me. I mean, not a WHOLE lot cuz my heart just isn't in the relationship but enough. I hope she's not gone moody on me! :/ She's MORE moody than me & I didn't even think that was possible!! :/ I miss talking to her...

Also surprisingly enough, I'm not really missing Talon. I mean, I've pretty much stayed away from her for a year & a half now anyway. Had only been back in contact with her for just over a week. I'm so over her, too. I just don't play those games anymore. *shrugs* You're either gonna be my friend or you can fuck off. I've got too much constant grief in my soul as it is to be bothered with dumbass drama from fair-weather "friends".

I need sleep...

Drama!!

Talon & I always had a sort of volatile relationship. I had forgotten what the drama was like! I realize, at this moment, that I haven't missed it in the least! Ugh. o.0 It's been...oh, I dunno...a year & a half...??...since I've really spent any time with her. Just over a week now &...BAM!! Drama! *sighs* But...I'm over it. She went off on me last night & THEN tried to play the Domme card. Nope. Wasn't having it. NOBODY talks to me like that anymore when it's unjustified. NOBODY!! I'm just not the one anymore. I'm not that girl that bows down & just rolls over & takes it. I've changed more than I'd even realized. :/ Worst part of it is that Traci is now inbetween us. That I don't like. Apparently the 2 of them had words, also...after I'd told her what happened with Tal. I am *WAY* too fucken gun-shy & hesitant to try to reach out again when I get slapped once. Sooo...dunno how things are gonna go between Traci & I if I refuse to speak to Tal. *sighs* Whatever...she will hafta contact me & apologize. Doubt that'll happen!

And So It Happens...

I spent most of yesterday in SL. I knew...I *KNEW*...that it would only be a matter of time if I started being in SL for any length of time that...Talon...& the subject of...taking her collar would come up. And so it has. Don't think I'm not contemplating it. I am. Nothing & no one will ever fill the void that remains in my heart & soul for Her. But...the emptiness that comes from being "abandoned"...that comes from not "belonging" to someone...that...THAT can be eased. I'll only ever have one TRUE Owner--that person which possesses my heart & soul. I can give my loyalty, my submission, my need to be protected & to belong...to someone else. It's a shame & ironic, at the same time, that it may be to Her arch enemy. I've waited for over a year for Her to reclaim any of it...*something*. It's Her choice. I just wish She cared that the door is slowly sliding closed. The very same door that I've had propped open, just for Her, for oh so long now. This won't happen overnight. This taking Talon's collar. I'm still way too skittish. I've been a stray kitten for an extremely long time now & she will need to regain some trust from me 1st. Not to mention...I still continue to prop that fucking door open, no matter what! But...I'm pretty sure it will happen. I need it too badly to help me heal not to accept it...

Stuff...

I feel HUMAN again today! WOOHOOOOOOO!!!! haha I even started back on my vitamin regimen again (I've been totally off of it since being sick). Hoping there's no adverse reactions to the iron pills. Ick. I am shortly going to take a LONG OVERDUE shower, do kitty litter, do the dishes & then...I dunno...haha. I should prolly go to Wal-Mart & Publix cuz I'm not sure when I'm gonna have a day off. It's scheduled for tomorrow but I'm going in.

One brief note about Kat. She's *obviously* still playing WoW. She's coming on FB more often than her normal. The people she keeps adding as friends are all WoW players...therefore, she's still currently involved in WoW. Last I heard from her was Jan 4. She can play WoW & she can go on FB so she's not being so closely supervised as she protested...obviously. But she can't make contact? She always got pissed off when I'd claim she'd lied to me. Must've been her guilty conscience protesting? Cuz really...she can't explain away to me how she's adding new WoW people to her FB & *NOT* playing WoW. Seriously...

I spent several hours in SL last night. Ran into Shanna, Linda & Lee while there. No lie...EVERY SINGLE PLACE I went to...on a Saturday night even...was *completely* deserted!! Reminded me why I've not really tried getting back in there. :/ You know, other than the OBVIOUS reason! Ha! I only ever did one thing in there...& I don't really want to travel down that road again. I mean...I *do*...deep, deep, deep down...cuz...I miss it. I have that empty place there. But...then I don't. The LOGICAL side of me doesn't want to do it again. Linda is still feeling super guilty about introducing me to Kat. I wish she'd stop that. :/ But she kept begging me to start coming in again & hanging out at her place. She now covers 2 full sims with her properties! OMG how she's grown in there! I'm proud of her! :-) And she said DJ & Tan were both asking about me the other night. I'm torn. I'm lonely enough to attempt going back inworld to fill the void. But if I start going back in, I will stop doing EVERYTHING else! I mean absolutely *everything* else!! FB, reading, movies...all of it. Do I really, truly wanna go there again?! Especially when I *know* what my niche in SL is & I will inevitably fall back into it...? But...I dunno...if I fall back into it with someone who is semi-decent...it could possibly finish getting me finally past the rest of this hurt of Kat. I mean...for a big part of it anyway. Is that such a bad thing? A true conundrum indeed. I guess it just depends on how lonely I really am, huh? I've been denying admitting that to myself, as of late. But I know it's there. I'm just scared to address it. I'm scared to attempt to let someone else ease it. I'm scared to...let go...of Her. I'm scared to finally close that door. I'm so scared that tears are rolling down my cheeks...

Residual Yuckiness!

I will NEVER eat fast food again!! OMG. And that truly sucks cuz I *loved* Quizno's! :/ But...the last 3 days have been pure hell!! Not to mention, twice in as many months...so...yeah, no more.

I woke up hurting at 6 am on Thursday. It's now almost 6 pm on Saturday & I'm still not *right*! Was still cramping & nauseous til about 3 pm or so. Mom came over this morning & brought me CharcoCaps (for the gas), Gatorade, Powerade, jello & saltines. I've taken the pills twice now. What's remaining is...I just keep farting. That's just...lovely! *rolls eyes* Yeah, work was so not an option for today either. :/ However, I'm starving! lol But afraid to really try anything much. Blast.

Food Poisoning!!

UGH!!! Ok, the last couple of days have been complete MISERY!! :-( I've gotten food poisoning...for the 2nd time...in the last couple of months!! *sighs* So much for having a 3-day weekend! Stacy texted earlier--said Cindy was wanting to know if I'm coming in tomorrow. I don't think I'm ready but I'll give it a shot. *sighs*

Pasta & Sangria!!

It was a helluva day today! Actually...it's been a helluva couple of days! Ugh. I dunno what it is. Tensions at work are strung tight. Customers are either super needy, super retarded or just super nasty! :/ And it's been BUSY! Like...really busy! Long stretches of the day are being spent with all of us running around like chickens with our heads cut off, simultaneously. I guess, & not to mention, each one of us have been kinda on edge, too. Actually...Stacy is getting on my last nerve with this school/homework thing. And since she started going to school/break up with Tim, she's been really mean & vicious with her comments & attitude. I'm just over it. I'm coming to that point in my Cycle where I'm feeling just lost & all this work stress is putting me over the edge. Cindy has been a little out of it, more than normal. With Mike being in Palau & then the scare with the earthquake/tsunami...I dunno. She's on edge, too. Amanda had her several days of emotional imbalance. Kelli is always stressing out over Trent &/or Savannah. And Lori...well, she's off her meds & drinking too much & driving us ALL batty!! Ugh. Anyway...

So, tonight, right after work, we all (all except Stacy, that is) went over to Cindy's to have pasta & Sangria. Stacy completely fucked her weekend away & then decided she's got too much homework due tomorrow to come hang out with us...WTFever. We had a REALLY good time!! And we ALL needed it!! Cindy has a beautiful home. The pasta was yummy! The Sangria was AWESOME!! We did nothing but laugh all night. But now I'm afraid, I'm not going to sleep til way late cuz I've missed my wind-down time...lol. Oh, well. It was worth it. ;-)