Monotonous...

I'm starting to slack with my blogging. :/ I'm slacking because...my life is becoming...monotonous. Nothing really changes too much anymore. I go to work, I play with Sebastian, I watch movies, I read, I sleep. I think about Kat. There's only so many times I can repeat those scenarios in a given week. *sighs*

However, I guess...there HAVE been some events to happen lately...

#1. I've met a new friend, Angel. Been talking to her for a couple of weeks or so now, I think. She friended me on MyDungeonSpace 1st. I've not been to MDS since...hell...early last spring?! The lifestyle is a part of me (even though it's never truly been practiced in the flesh). It's a massive part of my psyche nonetheless. But...I'm still not willing to give that part of me to anyone else & so I stopped going there cuz everyone I was meeting there was, of course, wanting that! In her 1st message to me, she said she's only looking for a friend...not a playmate. Being sub herself, eased my conscience even more. Talking to a Dom/me hurts me more than it helps usually. But the other night, Angel & I were talking & she was admitting that she'd like a girlfriend, too. She's just not *actively* looking. My shackles rose. And while she continued to talk of her "dream arrangement" of having her male Dom & her gf, living under one roof, my insides began to twist. My heart began to ache. It was almost word-for-word the same as the dream Kat wanted. Somehow or another, we started talking about Kat. When Angel commented "You truly care about her"...as a matter-of-fact statement to just random ramblings of mine...I froze. Well, YEAH. I always have! I still do. And that is the root of my problems! And this morning, Judy & I have been having a convo that concerned Kat, as well. I think I pretty much summed it by saying She was my "Great Love in Life". I continue to wait for her to take the opportunity to "fix" things...cuz she's the only one that CAN...even though I suffer while I wait. I can't "find someone new" when I can't give them what I no longer possess (my heart & soul). All of that being said, deep down...I know...I *know*...that she will never "fix" it. She's moved on. Whoever is in Texas, no doubt. *sighs* I dunno. Every day, I get a fraction more distanced from her & I don't hurt so horribly. Maybe what they say is true after all? Time heals all wounds. I guess, at this rate, in 10 years or so...I may not be quite so jaded as I am now...

Ahh. And another development. Stacy has been talking about divorce. I think, realizing she was in that *spot* with Tim...pretty much shocked me. I thought they were so happy & so perfect for each other! Finding out that they aren't...pretty much reinforces my disbelief in *love*! :/