Kat texted me last night. She'd dropped a convo Saturday afternoon & nothing all day on Sunday. Til last night. When she said...she'd been quiet cuz she'd been thinking about something disturbing that Ben had said. Automatically, my hair stood on end. She said he'd made a comment that he was afraid that I'd become her confidante & be on her side. That he wanted me to not be just close to her but to both of them. Well...HELL!!! I AM her confidante...I ALWAYS have been!! :/ No, I'm not on her side. Not with certain things. Ironically...I'd just said to her on Saturday that it was really hard being on both of their sides at the same time but that's exactly what I've been doing for the last few months! *sighs* I'm there for him, too, when he lets me be. It's not like he talks to me a whole lot. Especially lately. And...REALLY...come on. I will always have a stronger bond with her than him. PERIOD!!! There's just NO way around that. EVER. She & I have a connection that has yet to be broken & I won't ever have that same connection with him. It's just not possible. We don't share the same history.
So...my response to her...that I simply cannot go down this road again. And I will simply back off now. It has always happened the same way. Any time he starts resenting the bond she & I have, it causes problems. And I just can't go through that particular brand of Hell again. I just...CAN'T!! I didn't respond to her last 2 texts where she was telling me not to flip out cuz he's not angry, etc. I know he's not angry. He's just uncomfortable with how close we are & that's the issue. I couldn't respond cuz...I couldn't stop crying. I cried most of the night. I've spent the last 2 years fighting to get her back into my life. I've spent the last year growing close to her again. Only to lose her because of the same damned thing that always drove a wedge between us!! :-(
Well, if nothing else, Jenn can finally breathe a sigh of relief now...*sighs*
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