A Muted Recovery...

After 6 hours of silence tonight, she wins...

My attempting to reconnect with her in this last couple of weeks, let her close again, talk to her...was NEVER about her! Had absolutely zero to do with her & her feelings at all. It was an attempt in finding a way for me to recover from her from the past year & a half & *especially* the last 3 months or so. I need closure with this. If I can't get it, I don't know that I'm ever going to be able to be anywhere near whole again.

But she's a selfish c*nt. I took off my rose-colored glasses finally. I don't give away everything just to show her respect that she threw away the ability to command. I see her for what she is rather than the fake entity she portrayed herself as in order to snare me so long ago. She's pure evil. And weak. And fake. And I hate her so very much for that.

So she wins. It can now go back to being all about her again. I'm not involved whatsoever. Not with her anyway. I hope her biggest fear doesn't happen so that she ends up being alone thinking it's still all about her...I can't manage to hate her that much to wish that upon her...& yet I'm the evil one! Go figure....